Today, a stranger touched my life...
He is pretty much my age... around 51 years old, has lived in my area all his life. In fact, according to him, he has never really left the area. Never traveled. He was married until last year. Had a home. Has four children, three of them grown up, and his youngest, a daughter, just finished her GCSEs at school and is now at college. His children are 24, 22, 20, and 16 years old.
He was sitting outside my local corner cafe when I popped to the shops. I had seen him before and had given him some small change but had not really engaged with him, beyond a mere "hello" and a nod of the head.
I was in a rush that time... and aren't a lot of us guilty of this? Of not seeing the person behind the pain and the pain behind the person... and as I left the parking lot on that earlier occasion, I really felt drawn to this man and wanted to go and give him something more... but again... I had to be someplace else. I did go back later... but he had left already.
I read a challenge recently to #showhumanity and to take the time to speak to the people that we see on our streets who are struggling with life... and I knew then that if I saw that man again, I would take the time to stop and speak with him.
Today was that day.
I pulled in at the store and my youngest said,
hey Mom, there's that nice man... now you can go give him the extra money you wanted to give him.
He remembered the guy because last week while I raced into the shop, my son went back outside and gave him the money.
Anyway, I went and drew some money for him... and then went over to him, gave him the money, and we got chatting.
His name is Jamie...
He's an alcoholic and he has a drug history, so Social Services wouldn't let him live at home because his younger daughter was still only 15 last year. His wife was disabled, but she had a stroke last October and lost Oxygen to her brain. She died at home without medical attention. She had apparently not been feeling well and didn't go to the hospital because she was worried that Social Services would remove her daughter if her daughter had no parent capable of taking care of her at home. It was clear that Jamie feels responsible for how events unfolded and is living with a heavy burden of guilt for not being there for his wife and family when they needed him.
He was so full of emotion talking to me - very tearful - and I could see how heavy his heart was with what had happened. He said that he has since signed his house over to his kids and that the kids all live there together, but he isn't allowed to stay overnight because of his history and his current struggles. He is not supposed to visit during the day either, but his daughter lets him pop by anyway. He said he can't stay away from them as its too hard.
He was straight up about his struggles too and talking about his wife clearly hurt him deeply. They had been married for 26 years, which he said was pretty much half his life. Some people had even said he should be over it by now - her death - because it had been almost a year... but he was saying to me...
how do you get over someone that you spent half your life loving?
I could relate as I saw my dad go through the same thing three years ago when my mom passed suddenly and I saw what that did to him. He couldn't even talk about her for the best part of a year because he would get so choked up... and I saw the same in Jamie. I shared my loss with Jamie too, and my experience of seeing my dad go through it. He said he didn't have the problem of not being able to talk about her and did often, but that it made him cry a lot. I got the sense that a lot of what he was saying, if not all of it, was real. You just cannot fake that level of heartache and grief.
I asked him where he was staying and he said
I stay in a b&b if I get enough money in the day, or in a cheap place in the area that allows guests for £30 a night, otherwise I...
and at this point, his speech drifted off... and he got tearful again. I got the feeling that some nights he may be forced to sleep rough and I honestly felt so deeply for his loss and his life situation. He isn't working and I gathered that this is due to his struggles. I didn't want to pry further as he was already quite emotional but comfortable enough talking with me. He said he was doing better and starting to come right, but that he is still reliant on asking others for money.
His story really touched me and so I went and drew him the extra money so that he could have a roof over his head tonight, and he could get himself a meal.
I told him that I had recently become more acquainted with God through Christianity and asked him if he prayed. He said
hmm... sometimes... as I do believe in God... but I don't always pray anymore.
I told him I would include him in my prayers, for which he expressed gratitude, I wished him well and said goodbye. And at that point, he got up and just gave me this huge bear hug and said
thank you so so much!
... and then he turned to my boys and said
Boys, you look after your mom... (he said something else very moving but that is between him and me).
I am so thankful for the life that I have; a family home, a stable marriage, two children, three cats, and both my husband and I are employed.
For Jamie, he had most of that, once upon a time, but now wherever he lays his hat, that's his home.1
In the end, perspective and immense gratitude. And it was very humbling... to have a stranger touch my life and to be able to touch his in return.
I am not trying to profit from Jamie's pain. I wanted to share his story, and any proceeds earned from this post will be given to Jamie the next time I see him. If for some reason I do not see him again, I will donate the money to a local homeless charity or foodbank or to someone else who is similarly struggling. Of course, I have no idea whether he will use any of the money to fund his addiction, but I believe that the Lord led my heart to help a fellow human being in trouble, and I can only have faith and pray that what I did was the right thing in the moment 🙏
I recall that the #showhumanity challenge required one to use only pictures of the person you were writing about. That's ok, I don't need my post to be included in the official challenge, it just inspired me to do better in my own life. I saw no need myself to ask a man who has lost so much and is struggling to stay afloat emotionally, mentally, and financially, for his photo, so I have used images from Canva Pro Library instead.
Header image created using the following images from canva pro library:
Image 1 by fstop123
Image 2 by pixelshot
Image 3 by Artmarie
Image 4 byActivedia
Dreemport banner used with permission of @dreemsteem and @dreemport and designed by @jimramones
Hi, Sam! So many people have trouble making eye contact with people on the street, especially when they put a sign or a bucket out. There are so many nowadays, it is hard to not be acquainted with them.
It is so heartbreaking to see and can be when engaging with them. It usually is a sad story that goes along with that life, how many people stop to hear it? Not many usually. Is it fear? Are we afraid they may ask something of us? Is it that we are too much about our own lives? Is it fear?
Many times it is fear, or like you have said, too busy in our own lives.
I worked and volunteered at a homeless shelter. First off as a life lesson for my kids as they did it with me, then for me because I had a relative who lived on the streets. You think it cannot be you, but, it can be one of us given the right situation. Having to shoulder the knowledge that he might be responsible for his wife and her early demise and his 16-year-old daughter being without parental guidance at such an important time in life. (of course, any time is tragic)
All this is to say that I admire your courage and allowing God to lead you there. It is not always easy to trust you are doing the right thing, addiction is not ever pretty, but, sometimes it can be dangerous to be around. His story is so very sad and I am hurt for the man who wanted to do right and was failed by the human inside him. Given different circumstances, it could be him speaking to me, or you and anyone.
You are a wonderful human being, Sam. Never change.
As a side note, I have long given up judging any person that takes my money meant to help and spends it on their addiction, or junk food. I found that punishing every other homeless person because of them isn't really Christian or right either. So, when I give, I give freely and let them choose. I pray they choose what is right for them.
This 👆💗 !LUV
I think our actions have to speak louder than our words and that is truly beautiful that your children were able to experience volunteer work at this level during their childhood. I love that you have been led during your life too 🙏 Thank you for dropping by, Denise. It is always lovely to see you in the comments of my posts !LADY !ALIVE
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I was truly touched by the dedication you showed to helping Jamie in PYPT @samsmith1971. Sometimes, all we need is for someone to take us into their warmth, and show some compassion. That is not something the homeless are
everoften given. I love that you are keeping an eye out to say hi to him, you could be the only one who is!I also would like to say that I really appreciate that you chose not to take a photo, even if it excluded you from the challenge. I understand that the purpose was to verify the story, or create a conversation... but that's probably not how it feels to them. I don't want to be photographed in a vulnerable situation, so I wouldn't do it to someone else. That is just my perspective :)
Heartwarming post, thank you for sharing the love!
Thank you @grindan, I appreciate your kind words and perspective.
I truly was never comfortable with that element of the challenge... and in the end, it was put on my heart to help Jamie. I would not have asked him for a photo even if he had not been upset. I don't need to qualify for the challenge but I am still appreciative of the nudge it gave me🙏💗 !LUV !ALIVE
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It's sad that in today's world one needs to add a note saying they aren't profiting off being a decent caring human being and simply being kind and non-judgemental. :/
Very telling, huh?
I wouldn't think for one second you did it for any reason other than being kind and caring. More... I bet if more people took the time to stop and talk to Jamie, it would help him recover in every way... I hope more people like you stop by.
I'd say not to give people in addiction cash though. Food, clothing etc perhaps... or there are shelters that sell vouchers for hot meals, showers and beds.
It's an unfortunate situation. Addiction is a beast and it demands feeding above personal care and safety :(
Also... if you grab a 12 Step meeting schedule for the area and encourage him to go along (tell him he'll get free biscuits and coffee as incentive because he will!), he may hear what they call "the message" (that recovery IS possible) and find his way back.
Because recovery IS possible and the 12 Steps working wonderfully. And the meetings and support is entirely freely gifted.
You did good, Sam! I'm proud to know you and grateful to have met you ❤️😊
hi Nicky 🤗 I am sure there are many more people who do the same all the time, but thank you for your kind words. I felt it was put on my heart to help him... and I think the conversation meant more to him than the money. It meant something to me. He told me he was in rehab for alcoholism so who knows. I will look up the 12 steps; thank you for that tip, Nicky💗 I'll catch you soon xx !PIZZA
Hmmmm... not too many these days...
I think mos people are too afraid of the grit and pain of a struggle like that.
Yes. Just validating and caring can keep a person live and keeping on!
Just to warn you that addiction makes people really dishonest. They lie to cover their using all of the time. Also hardly their fault as the shame around addiction is immense.
I know how empathetic and sensitive you are so just keep some distance and take of you, please.
If you do decide to stop and talk to him again and need guidance feel free to reach out. I have a decent amount of experience with addiction. But he should probably get some grief counseling as well by the sound of things.
Take care of you, gentle soul. Sending love ❤️
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Simply awesome Sam.
Everyone has a story. Jamie will be racked with guilt, and I love how your son called him a nice man:)
Isn't this the truth, Ed? Everyone is holding some pain, be it past or present... but the release of that pain is so cathartic. I feel awful that there seem to be so many people who seemingly have nobody with whom to share it. I feel it is a blessing that my boys are usually with me... and they get to see real-life up- close and are capable of seeing through to people's hearts. !ALIVE
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It certainly is Sam,
I get called the park bench therapist by some of my friends.
I can sit on a seat in a park anywhere in the world, and somebody will sit next to me and then pour their whole life story. This can be quite interesting especially when I am not fluent in their language and making helpful prompts and suggestions to them 😮😎
It is great that your boys are with you and do experience life, as it is great to be
!ALIVE
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This is so kind of you
Reading this made me feel for Jamie too.
I pray everything gets better for him and his girls.
Your kind heart is so lovely.
Well done champ.
I was encouraged to push outside of my own comfort zones, to break beyond my own boundaries, in order to really see people on the margins of society and to allow them to feel valued and know that they were seen. Therein lies one of the real gifts for me. !LUV
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Hi Sam! This is very touching, and it is such a blessing to be able to touch someone's life even with a little gesture. The time you gave him to talk must have been precious to him. He surely tells little of his sorrows, even though he lives them every day.
Losing a life partner is hard, my dad died 15 years ago and I still see how his absence affects my mum every day.
And I also feel lucky for what I have, and it's not that we don't have problems or difficult times, but having our loved ones to hug and enjoy the things in life that sometimes seem simple but are the ones that count in the end of the day is priceless.
I hope you meet Jamie again.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, Eli. It's true, at the end of the day it's the family life that Jamie is missing most of all... his wife, and spending quality time with his children. It makes us appreciate what people sometimes take for granted, and then we hold and hug our own just a little more tightly... and spend that extra time with them. !LUV
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bless your soul and may jamie's need be all met by God's grace :)
🙏💗 It is all God's grace in the end... and I pray that too. !LUV
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That is so very kind of you to stop and listen and lend a helping hand.
There are so many lost and lonely people on the streets in our country. I'm the one that avoids eye contact, makes me feel so bad! My husband on the other hand often stops to chat and give them something and knows some of them by name & knows their stories as well.
Addiction is a terrible thing!
I was the same Lizelle but I found myself talking to a broken human being who just needed to be seen and heard, and I was the one who felt blessed to be able to hear his story and have my eyes and heart opened even more than they were before. !ALIVE
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Thank you so much, Ed 🙏 The corner cafe is our local Tesco Express shop... a few roads down from me, so we are in there fairly regularly. Hopefully, he will be around next week again, although one can always pray that something better happens in his life that takes him off the streets instead. !PIZZA
Bless you Sam.
I am forever stopping and chatting to homeless people or people on the street. Especially people with animals. Even though we don't have dogs anyome, whenever we go into town, I take some dog snacks in case I see one or two pups that are with our local homeless people.
No matter what we aregoing through, there is always someone worse off than us.
People all have a story to tell, and I can imagine the guilt of Jamie, and that is something that does not go away.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful kind act of yours with us Sam.
I admire people like you. This was a step outside my usual comfort zone but I know now that I will be able to do it again and again. I truly don't want the focus on me though 🤗 I feel I was just drawn to him, and it was placed on my heart to help because I could. I felt that sharing his story here on Hive was a means to show other people the very real people they could find if they took the time to stop and chat, and in this case, I will be in a position to give him a little more support due to the post. !ALIVE !LUV
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You are too kind Sam. I hope he uses the money to better himself and to provide for his family. It was sweet of you to draw him out and get him to talk.
Having taken the opportunity to really listen to Jamie, I now believe that if you feel drawn enough to give someone money, then it's definitely worth taking the time to open your heart and listen to their story if they are wanting to share it. If he had expressed any discomfort in chatting with me then I would have let him be... Because I usually have my kids with me and so many people on the street do have addiction issues, I have tended not to engage with them, rightly or wrongly. As you know my boys were born into the chaos of that lifestyle and suffered incredibly because of it... Their birth family was literally ripped apart from underneath them. Now I am thinking... you know what... they are old enough... and we can suss pretty quickly whether something is going to be productive or not, so let them see the struggles that some people have, let them see real life, and understand the cause and effect of the flow... and open their hearts now to compassion and engagement, and at the same time learn to spot when to be more cautious. !LUV
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It is easy to judge from a distance. This reminds me of that quote:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle,”
I think the fact that you took the time to speak to him, made a difference in itself. It is easy to believe nobody cares when everyone passes you by without a second thought. That kind of behaviour hurts. You feel invisible and unwanted. My thoughts go out to Jamie. I hope he finds his way to a better place.
You know what... I do too! I think a little bit of kind conversation, and sharing our time, goes a long way with people in general. And for those living marginalised lives, it means the world. !ALIVE
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This gave me goosebumps.
God bless you for your kindness Sam. I hope you touched his life enough to make a difference.
Hopefully God will make a way for him and his family and he won't have to be homeless anymore.
I pray for you and everyone like you, the world will never lack kindness if more people like you existed. Thank you on his behalf, may the Lord be with Jamie ❣️
Life doesn't ask how old you are, it just hits.
What really moved me was that because of his addiction, he wasn't there for his wife, he couldn't help her and tell her how much he loved her. He sacrificed for his children to have a roof over their head and not be a burden to them.
😭😭
Thank you for sharing his story! ♥️♥️♥️
He really seems very genuine... just got a bit lost along the way but loves his family dearly 🙏 !ALIVE !PIZZA
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You have such a big heart, Sam. I love that you took Jamie into it and I bet he felt the warmth. It's so easy to walk passed someone. I have done that many times myself. But on occasion, I too, have stopped and listened. Given a little money when I could and wished there was more that I could do. I do hope you meet Jamie again and he feels your warmth one more time.💛
I am up at the Express every few days so if he is still around, our paths will definitely cross again ❣️ thanks Jules xx !PIZZA
That's really lovely and I'm so glad you used library photos. I'm not religious in any way but can't help being reminded of 'There but for the grace of God go I.'
Best wishes, humanity is so sadly lacking in humanity these days :-)
I think a lot of people are only a few pay cheques in reality away from homelessness themselves. When I saw the challenge to go out and speak with those less fortunate who were surviving on the fringes of society and to hear their stories, I was strangely reminded of when my Mom passed away suddenly just over 3 years ago... and it is weird because people do not know how to treat you or what to say to you... and all I wanted is for people to talk with me about her... I knew it would scrape every raw emotion, but having people almost pretend like it hadn't happened felt far more hurtful. The catharsis of being given the opportunity to talk about your pain is immeasurable. Thank you for dropping by Nathen !PIZZA
We have a program on over here on SBS called Filthy Rich and Homeless- putting some of Australia's richest out on the streets so they could feel what it was like to be in the shoes of the homeless (though really, how could anyone ever know what it is like to have all of that pain and the struggles with life that made them become homeless..) anyway, SBS also broadcast a live Q&A with some of the participants with the viewing audience tweeting in live and there was one tweet that really struck a nerve for me as it rings so true for all of us- and that was we are all just an illness or job loss away from becoming homeless.
Good on you Sam for taking the time to stop and listen to his story.
Yes!!! I actually paraphrased that in one of my reply comments as I have heard it a few times in my life! It just shows how vulnerable we all actually are within the microcosm of our own lives. !PIZZA
Yes that's exactly right and so many people don't even consider just how unstable their 'stable' lives really are.
That's a phrase that is on a loop in my head- it makes me far more considerate and thoughtful about my life and everything around it.
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What a heart wrenching story @samsmith1971 and yes, I agree, most of us are guilty of not seeing the pain behind the person. Jamie has a tragic story. But it is also a lesson of gratitude. Especially when we people, despite less tragic lives, are so apt to complain at the smallest inconvenience. Losing my first husband taught me gratitude....and much else
I am so sorry that you have suffered personal tragedy yourself. It is incredible though how sometimes such painful loss can bring its own small blessings on the side, like gratitude. I hope you are doing ok now? !LUV
Jamie's pain was so palpable, it was quite heart-breaking to witness. I apologised a couple of times if I had upset him by engaging with him but he was very sweet and said it was ok, he needed to cry... very sad. !hivebits Thank you for dropping by my post.
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Thank you for the tip @priyanarc - I will be sure to include it in the money that I tot up for Jamie at the end of the week ❣️🙏
Most good people have a terrible past full of pain. Good work out there, giving those that most see as undeserving a second glance.
💗🙏 !LUV
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Thank you so much @rem-steem and @bdcommunity, this is very kind of you !ALIVE
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You are a beautiful person with such a compassionate and generous heart. I love you Sam :)
Thank you for being the hands and feet of Christ to everyone around you!!
I am just so incredibly blessed to have found my tribe here in Dreemport of like-minded people. It's you and Christ that I have to thank 🙏💗🙏 I love you too, Leah❣️
!LUV !ALIVE
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This is touching. Many people are going through disheartening situations and the best way to not let this pull a person down is to give thanks, even for the little things like a roof over our heads and a meal on our tables.
I pray you see Jamie the next time and hopefully he can get a stable place to stay. Keep doing good, Sam. 🙂
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Thank you so much Kemmy... I am sure I will see him... unless he has been moved along by the shop... but he isn't doing any harm or making a nuisance of himself, so I think they will leave him alone. Thank you so much for your contribution❣️ I will be sure to add it in to the donation 🙏 !LUV !ALIVE !PIZZA
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I wonder if the kids might be able to help him get into a rehabilitation program?
That was awesome ♥️
I wonder if him staying in the garage might be an option?
True, but another option might be to give the money directly to the people with the motel?
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@samsmith1971, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @wrestlingdesires
Are You Ready for some $FUN? Learn about LOLZ's new FUN tribe!
(4/6)
He said he was doing alcohol rehab... and doing better as a result. Technically he isn't even supposed to go onto the property, so even if they have a separate garage or outhouse he would not be allowed to stay there. I could ask him for the details of where he was planning to stay and pay them directly for the night but I figure if I pay them directly, and if he still wants to do drugs/alcohol, then he will just use all the other monies he gets to buy those anyway. I do hear you though... at least I would know for myself that the money I was giving was going to its intended destination 🤗 let me see how the next conversation with him goes. Thank you so much for the curation !LUV !ALIVE
@samsmith1971(5/10) gave you LUV.
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HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
@wrestlingdesires! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971. (6/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
My pleasure ♥️ I wonder if there's someone in town who has a place to rent cheaply, even a little shed or something? So he could start looking for work instead of having to stand around asking for rent money? Or better yet a caretaker position?
!LUV
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I don't even know what to say. God led you to him and now, I just hope that things turn around. Jamie deserves good things no matter his past or his mistakes. He is human and no one is perfect. I'll pray for him too. That he sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
And I'm also grateful. I'm thankful. I feel blessed all of a sudden.
This is so touching.. people like him deserve a second chance too. Chance to live normally, get a job and be with his family. Why deprive him to do those? Sometimes, I want to screw those laws..
You gave him such a gift, of actually seeing him and listening to what he had to day. Blessings to you and to Jamie, both. 🙏
Thank you Kitty !LUV
@samsmith1971(3/10) gave you LUV.
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HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
This was really touching and I felt his story.
This isn't easy to forget when you have spent most of your life with and suddenly, they leave and never coming back. It's so painful but do we have a choice?
I know what my Dad is going through even presently. He lost his wife (my mother) in year 2016 and he still thinks of her.
I wish he could just stop drinking alcohol so the social service would allow him back to his children. It's not easy finding somewhere to sleep daily and still pays for it when he has a home.
You have done a great thing by helping him and if not, you help those who are experiencing such similar situation as his. God bless you ma 😊♥️
We lost my Mom in 2019 and my dad still finds it difficult to talk about her sometimes... so I can relate. Losing loved ones is never easy and I am sorry you have lost your mom too, my lovely. Everyone has their story, right? Jamie's is tinged with a lot of tragedy too. Much love and blessings to you too xx !LUV ALIVE !PIZZA
@samsmith1971(4/10) gave you LUV.
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HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
Yea, we all do have our stories to tell and share with others, but I was really moved by Jamie's own. I pray God help him through. Thank you for the Luv token ♥️♥️
What a though life story.... This thing we call life is so frail it's damn scary sometimes... We take so many things for granted that it's really a shock when we come to reality 😔 I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone so close to you...
I feel grateful that you cross paths with Jamie and were able to help! You are a wonderful, beautiful human being my friend ❤️ I hope Jamie finds the help he needs to get out of his drug addiction 🙏🙏
Sending !LUV
Me too!
Losing someone close is awful... I pray that the day is far from everyone I know !LUV
@samsmith1971(2/10) gave you LUV.
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HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
Update: We have seen Jamie only once more walking along the road in our neighborhood but I was unable to stop at the time. I have been walking around with the cash in my purse for weeks. My youngest and I were then at our local ASDA supermarket on Saturday evening and when we left the store there was a young man sitting outside on a thin blanket with a McDonald's paper cup in front of him for spare change. He wasn't actively asking for money... but I could see that he was a little down on his luck and needed a hand. He looked to be in his mid- '20's to early 30's. We did not have time to stop for a long chat as my son was chomping at the bit to get home after a long afternoon shopping... but I did stop and give this young man £20 and wished him a lovely evening. I guess the idea of Jamie was still followed through, even though I have not seen Jamie outside our local store again, but through his story, somebody else has now also received some help. I guess he paid it forward unknowingly through the generosity of those who upvoted this post. So thank you, again 🙏💗