Bits of emotions

I have been feelings perhaps cos that’s how I know best to describe how I feel in a nutshell. I decided to drop in here and share my emotions on what’s going on in here.

I don’t quite understand it and sometimes my emotions can be all over the place without any specific strong dominant feeling. I don’t know if it’s because am low on cash but I just know that I don’t feel good generally.

image generated with meta A1

If am to trace where all of this down turn started, I’d say it was on Sunday morning. Yea, Easter Sunday. I guess I should have been feeling upbeat but I wasn’t.

I didn’t even go to church. Well, I didn’t have transportation fare to church and a friend who promised to send me some money the night before hadn’t sent any and being someone who doesn’t like been a burden to others, I didn’t press.

I actually wanted to go to church if only he had fulfilled his promises. By 8am I hadn’t seen anything and the same person talked with me that morning and asked why am not I service yet. I don’t know how people can be so ridiculous. I didn’t even bother reminding him as said he was to send money but didn’t. I just don’t understand how some people reason.

I joined service online and I guess that singular act was part of where the spiraling downwards began. I was on my phone till past 12pm and I was tired.

Later in the day I had to go visit a friend after oga send the urgent 2k for TP. I ate rice and chicken and carried myself back home. I went to my cousins place for Easter and he had gone for his one year anniversary with his wife, leaving me alone in the house.

I came back to my lonely state and I can’t even remember what I did with myself. I slept and woke up on Monday tired. I didn’t even do my regular online morning prayers and by 10am, I was on my way to the market to buy food items to cook so that the honeymooners can have something to eat on their return.

I roamed around the market because of how expensive things were and I think it even added to my mental stress. The only lesson I learnt is that poverty is not good. A poor man has no respect before market women and men.

Image generated with meta A1

I carried my tired self back and entered the kitchen to cook up a storm. I was there for over three hours. At the end I was tired. I had some work to do online but couldn’t even bring myself to do it. How do I get money is I don’t work? yet I don’t have any single energy to work.

I woke up today not still understanding how I feel. I am generally tired and the worst is that am too tired to even talk. I just want to sleep and do nothing but how can I sleep and do nothing when I have work to do.

I can’t seem to bring myself to do something reasonable. Am just tired of fighting or pushing. I need a break . I just want to run away and disappear to a place where I don’t have to work for a while and not lack. My emotions are all over the place. I cry alittle here and there and ask God to help me.

I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t even know if putting it out here helps, I just want to vent a little. I just don’t know what to do. I just want to lie down and not have to worry about a thing in life. I just want to cry and cry away all my cares.

Posted Using INLEO