RE: That's a lot of penis!
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I figured this out a while ago.
The main reason that we keep using pennies is the local sales tax formula. The formulas and charts calculate to the penny; therefore retail businesses must calculate their bills to the penny.
Municipalities enforce sales tax aggressively. Businesses get in trouble if they collect a different amount than they report on their tax records.
Retiring the penny would require co-ordination from sales tax agencies. Since these agencies are filled with small-minded bureaucrats, this is unlikely to happen.
!BEER
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Not only will we "not" retire Pennies, but we'll be "adding" 99 Decimal Cents to our Electronic Coinage...
That makes sense actually!