The unintentional love intruder.
The reason for their visit was so that I could speak sense into her. She was being maltreated by her boyfriend. She was treated like thrash in the presence of her boyfriend’s many side-chicks, yet she didn’t mind. She would be sent to sleep in one of her boyfriend’s friend’s rooms anytime he had his side chicks over. The crazy part was that she prepared the meal they ate, stock up the house with food, and still endured the boyfriend’s excesses. So, my role was to ‘advice’ her which I did.
As the big sister that I saw myself to be because the babe, let’s call her B was way too young to endure that much in the name of a relationship or so I thought. Well, I did advise her, and the honest advice I gave was to ‘leave the relationship’ while her sanity was still at 50%. She listened keenly and shed a tear while I talked about how a sweet a relationship should be and how peaceful she should be with her man, so I was happy and satisfied with myself that I saved a ‘sister’.
Unfortunately, two days later, my friend called to inform me that B had narrated the details of our meeting to her boyfriend and called us ‘the intruders’ that she had refused to listen to because she loved him so much. She ‘begged’ him to treat her right so that people like us would stop pokenosing into their relationship. Well, that was the end of the friendship between my friend that brought her to me and B’s boyfriend.
Another incident happened last year when someone I hold close to my heart called to rant on the phone about how her boyfriend flirted with her best friend who was also her roommate. She sent me screenshots of their chats where they shared nasty information about each other and had even planned a meetup at a location close to where the actual girlfriend lived. She cried, and at some point, wailed because she was confused. Crazy part? The relationship was barely 6 months.
Again, as the individual that hates to see people in distress, I calmed her, and told her what to do. But I intentionally left out the part where I would’ve told her to walk out of the relationship because if it could happen in less than six months, then the guy has much disrespect to gift her if they eventually choose to settle with each other.
Well, I tried not to be an intruder this time, and it indeed paid off. Two months later, I saw her Facebook post where she showered so much encomium on the boyfriend that flirted with her best friend. Her epistle started with “Hey, sunshine”. Wow! Just like that, I was yet an intruder but this time, partially.
Over the years, I’ve learnt that people in love are the worst set of people to offer words of advice to in relation to their ship and their partner. So, I deduced the best way to tackle situations so that I won’t keep being an intruder of love.
When they come with their issues, I do not directly advise them, rather, I ask them what they want to do. I listen to their rants, watch them talk, offer my shoulders so they can cry, give them a warm embrace so they feel relaxed, after which we’ll talk while I try as much as possible to not say too much as ‘leave’. Why? That’s because it takes the person in love to see when they’re being disrespected and maltreated and finally decide to leave, else, you, the adviser will keep being the bad person.
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