The Evolution of Masculinity: A Look at The Mental Health Crisis

It’s no secret that men are struggling right now. Truth be told if it weren’t for a good few people guiding me towards the light when I was younger I’d be lying in a hospital bed in a coma, or worse, dead.

I have talked to countless men over the last ten years that have been in bad situations, or even more seriously, have thought about taking their own life.

I’ve read thousands of blogs, watched podcasts, sat and listened to famous speakers over the last five years and they all say the same few things.

It seems we’ve forgotten about men.

I mean don’t get me wrong because there are men out there that still crush it at life. Myself and my friends are all doing very well. We have good support networks, loving families and we all talk abundantly to each other, but I mean we’re just a drop in the ocean in comparison to what’s out there. Just because I’m doing good doesn’t mean there isn’t suffering out there.

I used to fight for women once upon a time, before fighting for women became a trend and a bandwagon. The fight for women these days is so diluted and corrupted it’s why I decided to give up and go and do something else. I mean it’s not that I didn’t want to fight the good fight it’s just that we were all clambering over one another for fame and recognition I felt that wasn’t for me. The message was being lost in transition.

That’s when I stumbled across men’s issues. Seems strange because I am a man, and I never really stopped to think that we had any problems — I mean I always had problems but I never stopped to think that it could really be as widespread as other speakers and writers made it out to be. You never really think about shared problems outside your own circles until you actually do.

Interestingly enough I found growth from learning about men’s issues — I learned that part of the reason I was fighting for women is that I was raised in a single parent home with my mother and I had never really seen first hand the types of frustrations that men could have bar my own. There was my Grandad of course, but he was very Victorian and would never show weakness in front of me.

So why has the rate of suicide increased gradually since the early 2000’s? I mean we’re the richest we’ve ever been as a society, we no longer have to worry about nasty infections in our youth, and technology has advanced so far beyond our natural scope that if I wanted to have this written for me I could. I’d just ask GPT. So, why?

I’d love to say it’s a one easy solution. I’d love to be like one of those crazy feminists and get up on my podium and shout, “men just need to stop killing themselves!” Or an equally bat shit crazy pop-psychologist moron from the red pill community that thinks women should just open her legs more so that men can have body counts higher of 200.

No, I wish life were that simple but it’s not. The truth, and from what I’ve studied in depth and broadly over the last ten years at least is that it all boils down to communities. We’ve lost them, and we’re never getting them back. We need to adapt.

If you read Maslows Heirarchy of Needs here you will find that after your basic of basic needs are met it boils down to security and safety that is being attacked and eroded as you can see down here

See the safety parts up there? Yup. But you have that type of security and safety? Do you? Do you though?

When I was a young man I had most of that safety — and when my family wasn’t around to help me the community stepped in too. Sometimes my friends parents would treat me like one of their own, and I can remember numerous neighbours and friends Dads showing me their trades and what they did.

As a younger adult a job for life was a thing. I remember visiting an office that I used to work at ten years previously and the ladies I worked with were still all there and crazily happy to see me.

Most of that is gone. We don’t make friends with our neighbours anymore. Getting a thick ear from someone in the community for getting up to no good is a thing of the past. I remember getting grounded for a month because someone saw me do something I shouldn’t have.

Job security isn’t a thing. It’s why I’m self employed now. I can trust myself to have my best interests at heart, I can’t seem to trust anyone else now. The longest I’ve ever had a job was for four years and that was because I was laid off mainly due to the financial climate.

Basically, we looked after each other and we helped each other out. I mean it wasn’t precisely the communist utopia that I described there because not everyone was friends and sometimes the fights would get messy — but the message still stands. We helped each other out and we were all friends looking to take on the world.

Now to add salt to the wound 70% of Marriages end up in divorce. That’s going be tough on the kids whichever way you slice it. I know it was on me regardless of how much my parents tried (and they did try bless them!). When I was a young man I was an outlier. Other guys would squint their head and be like, what? You don’t have a dad??

Even worse if she uses the courts to sabotage your access to your children and the house and belongings. I mean the horror stories I’ve heard from the bias of the family court system. Again, not always the case! I talk in generalities here.

Most of the above can be whittled down to technology too. I call it, “The grass is always greener” effect.

It’s easier to make friends on Facebook, or messenger, or whatever the kids use these days, and it’s just as easy to get rid of friends. I had a close friend of 20 years delete me off Facebook “just like that” as a staunch reminder that I am not his friend anymore – yet if that was pre internet he would have to come to my house and hash it out, and perhaps maybe he wouldn’t be so quick to judge (and me either).

Dating apps are an easy slice of the pie. Oh, relationship going sour? Not to worry. You can just go on tinder again, we wont judge or check that you are in a relationship. Hell, from what I’ve been told been there are even websites for people that want to be unfaithful – crazy.

The art of social bonding is a lost one, and it’s causing a lot of depression because as we become more connected we are becoming way further apart than we have ever been. Did you know that we release hormones when we are in the presence of people that we enjoy being around? Same sex or not!

So to conclude, without getting myself in a big negative down spiral is that we have become too dependant on technology and our isolation, and that has disconnected us from our social duties as men in the community which I am sad to see being eroded.

How do we solve this? Because I always want to end on a good note.

Well, as a happy man myself I’ve noted all these problems and formed my own somewhat sticky plaster which will do for now unless the momentum changes.

My community is my direct and extended family. I feel safe and wanted. Whilst I’m not involved in my own outside community I’m deeply involved with my own family. Helping out where needed, visiting, and just being around people that I like and assume that like me too. I try and limit my technology use, and when it gets too much I take myself off to meditate. I also hug my wife and son lots and lots!

I’m also deeply passionate about my self employment. This satisfies the drive I have always had to succeed — even if it takes a long time, there’s plenty to do that’s for sure!

I guess if you want to take anything away from my article it would be this:

Happiness is internal. You can mostly draw your own happiness from being involved in a circle of friends and family showing them love and gratitude and having this reciprocated regularly.

If you have no passion — and there have been times when I have felt this too, then go and explore. It could mean that you haven’t found it yet. Work does not need to be your passion yet, you could explore on the side as you work. It took me a good 20 years to find my real passion after a lot of exploring externally and internally.

When you find out what you enjoy doing. Learning is SO much easier!

So much easier.

Posted on my blog! Wooohooo! https://learnisart.com/the-evolution-of-masculinity-a-look-at-the-mental-health-crisis/