The New Me🦋🦋

“Will you go to school today?” I asked Favour, my neighbor turned friend who chooses to stay in my room rather than hers.
“Yes, I will go so I can submit my assignment” she replied still busy trying to finish up the assignment that was given about two weeks ago.
“Alright. Please help me submit mine too, and please help me sign attendance in class. I will come later in the day”. I said passing her the office flat file that contained my assignment.
“Just drop it beside my school bag. I know you won't come to school. Try to be honest with yourself sometimes” she said. I could sense the annoyance in her voice.
“Sorry my love, I will be honest next time” I teased her.
Deep inside me, I knew I was not doing well. Taking advantage of her kindness was not something I like doing.
Favour has been the one submitting my assignments and signing my attendance for the past three weeks.

However, skipping classes was never my thing. The truth is that there was something that was weighing me down, I couldn't fight it, it kept pulling me backward whenever I tried moving forward.
I was like a prisoner in my own world.

Source

It all started on the 2nd of November…
I received the exciting news of my admission into the university of my dreams. The joy that filled my heart was immeasurable, not only for myself but also for my family.
Little did I know that this new chapter in my life would bring both challenges and valuable life lessons.

In my first semester, circumstances forced me to attend classes from the comfort of my home. While I appreciated the convenience, deep down, I longed for the vibrant campus life and the freedom to explore the world beyond my parents' protective gaze.

Finally, in the second semester, my constant complaints about stress and traffic convinced my parents to get me a cozy student lodge a bit close to my school.
I liked my neighborhood, it was very lively, surrounded by cafes, bookstores, and student hangouts.
My room on the other hand was simple yet comfortable. I liked everything in it except the color.

The first few weeks were a dream come true. I relished the independence and the opportunity to make new friends.
However, as time went on, I became tired of the new life, and I began to feel the weight of loneliness pressing down on me.

It quickly became apparent that managing my time, money, and personal space was more challenging than I had anticipated.
The weight of these responsibilities began to take a toll on my mental health, and I found myself slipping into a state of depression. I started skipping lectures and couldn't even find solace in prayer.

Meanwhile, my friends would visit, unaware of the struggles I was facing. I put on a brave face, entertaining them and assuring them that I was fine, despite secretly grappling with the mounting pressure.

I can still remember one of those days, I didn't attend a single class for a whole week. One of my friends called to check if I was still around. I told her I hadn't traveled "I'm just managing my transport fare," I said masking the truth.

My mother, ever concerned, would call regularly to check on my well-being. My responses were lengthy, and filled with complaints, yet always ended with warm regards to everyone back home. "You will soon get used to it," she would advise and conclude with "Just make sure you attend classes, do your assignments, and read your books."

With less than two months left before exams, I found myself without the course outline for the semester.
I didn't study or read anything, I didn't even have the notes. I became very scared. Scared of not knowing what to write when the exams comes.

Amid my despair, I had a moment of realization. I understood that there was nothing outside of myself that could bring me the happiness I sought. It was a turning point where I acknowledged that I needed to confront my demons and take charge of my destiny.

I reflected on my circumstances, I began to realize that true happiness and success were not dependent on external factors. It was an inner journey of self-discovery and self-discipline. I resolved to take control of my finances, manage my time wisely, and seek help for mental health.

So one faithful morning I called my mum “Mummy, please pray for me”. I said sobbing. She noticed from my voice that I was troubled. “Chi, are you okay? What is the problem?”
“Mummy I'm fine, it is just that…” I took my time to narrate all that I had passed through in my small room. How I haven't been attending lectures, how my appetite suddenly increased beyond normal, how I haven't read anything till now, etc.
I was surprised when she told me it was normal.
“There's nothing wrong with you. You are just overwhelmed by your freedom,” she said. “Let's change to Face Time” she requested because she wanted to see me while she's talking.
“ I will pray for you but first you need to hear this. You won't have any excuse if you fail your exams, nobody will understand your explanation, not even me” She looked straight into my eyes “Who will you want to be in the next three years? Take your time and discover yourself and your objectives. Make good friends and join some benefiting student organizations…” she continued.
I started studying non-stop; walking in a triangle, from the library to my house, then to fellowship andback to my house. and finally I wrote my exams with confidentiality.

That phone conversation was not long but it was a great start for me. Right from then till now I have learned to manage my time, to do that which is more beneficial and important.

Thank you dear readers, I'm grateful for your time.❤️