I Rule My Emotions!

Hello Hivers, Welcome to my blog!

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This is my first time posting in this community.
It's cool to have a place to share my emotions and feelings. This will be of a great help to me.
For I'm sure I will feel better even before publishing this post.
I am going to use my own words here to express my feelings, I hope you understand.

So many things have been on my mind lately, I don't seem to understand all, just few.
For how do you call that feeling, when your head is very heavy, like it’s under the water? And your mind clouded with thoughts?

Anxiety—Is that what I should call migraine headaches?

My eyelids are heavy, I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. Because so many thoughts keeps flooding into my mind, like a wild stream.

I couldn’t think properly, and I had no physical person to converse with. I felt so unreal, like things that I’m not aware of are happening in my life.
Maybe it is just that I don’t like loneliness. I am very reserved sometimes, but I mostly enjoy the company of others.
Maybe it’s just my personality, or maybe it is the way I was brought up.
Whatever the case, I don’t appreciate it most of the time, and sometimes I do.

Sometimes my emotions get intense, and I will feel so many things; pain, distress, sadness, happiness, love, etc., all mixed together.
So how does one know which feeling is superior at this point?

I was in this mood yesterday, for the first time in three weeks since my parents traveled. I was able to manage the past two weeks but finally got overwhelmed this week.
I needed someone in my space to converse with.

I am not the type that loves going to peoples’ house. So I picked up my phone and called my cousin to come stay with me for some time.
She came over and we talked, ate, and laughed together. But this beautiful moment didn’t last for even 24 hours.

I woke up at midnight to find my cousin deeply engrossed in my journal, in the sitting room.
I didn’t move, I stood there at the door for some minutes, staring at my journal in her hands—this is the second time someone else is reading my journal, counting from the day I started keeping one.
How should I react to this? I asked myself over and over again.
I got the journal from her and went back to bed. I couldn’t sleep well until dawn.

I still don’t know what to tell her, because she has apologized and I have forgiven her.
But why would you want to intentionally hurt someone else? Should we always allow our excessive curiosity to get the better part of us?

I am silent. And it is very okay to be silent at this point because I don't know what to say, and how to say it without hurting her or myself.

Over the years I have learned to rule over my emotions, especially that of anger and disappointment.
I have learned to accept, appreciate, and master my mood swings. And I feel that situation like my cousin's happened just to validate my emotions.

I always channel most of my feelings to writing, like this one now should have been in my journal.
But isn't it better for me to share it here? Perhaps one may learn from it.
One learns not to intentionally hurt someone, while the other person may learn to be emotionally intelligent.

Whatever way, I am feeling much better now.
I do reflects on myself and validate my feelings to be sure of the things I want to do, before doing them.
My feelings are so strong, and my emotions need to be controlled by no one but me.

I have the right to be angry, to be happy, and to be sad. And I know, I also have the right to privacy.
That notwithstanding, I have decided to let go of the pain and anger and accept her mistakes and repentance.

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