The Sisters of Sakha [Fiction]
Your noble heritage is undeniable,
Ascend and take your seat;
Forfeit and know loss.
In the end, the Sisters of Sakha await.
Sari screamed awake from her nightmare. She groaned while sitting up gently, every bone in her petite body ached like a truck had run her over. Beads of sweat rolled down her chin despite the frost on the windows.
She made herself hot coffee and cocoa. She hugged the mug to her bosom as the heat seeped through her thick sweater to warm her up. Her mind flashed back to her mother's dying words, "You can't escape it, Sari. It's your destiny. Let them or they will take from you till you ascend."
She was twelve then and confused. Ascend?
Not until her twentieth birthday when her grandmother made a three-day journey across the winter ice road to reveal that their tradition required the first female of the al'asasia generation to take her seat among the Sisters of Sakha.
The Sisters of Sakha were priestesses to the gods. The appointed generation from the noble blood must give up their first female as a priestess.
Sari's life changed totally during her grandmother's visit. She was numb for the two days Nana spent with her in her mother's house. Sari had dreams of leaving the city of Yakutsk, a remote town with Adnan, her first and only love, to immigrate to Reykjavík, Iceland. All her plans came crashing to the ground.
She smiled sweetly at her grandmother and promised to travel down to Taiga for her ascension ceremony. Sari lied. She bawled out her eyes through the night and made up her mind to ignore the stupid, ancient tradition. It may all be a lie.
After a beautiful evening spent in Adnan's arms, she asked, "Adi? Are we truly leaving for Reykjavík in seven days?"
Adnan cupped her cheeks and stared into her eyes for a moment. "Truly. It's with you, my princess or no one else. Mhmm?"
Tears pooled in her eyes at the confession of love. She blinked and nodded. Adnan wiped the tears aside with his thumb. "My boss will pay me and we will leave by the night bus to arrive at Reykjavík in the morning. A new world where we will start a new home awaits us. Are you ready?" He asked.
Sari smiled. "Always. I'll go with you anywhere, you know that." Adnan placed his forehead on hers and the couple breathed each other in for a long moment.
As she packed her bags in preparation for the journey, her heart nagged at her. At night, she had a dream where the Sisters of Sakha came to her and issued a warning. Sari worried about whether to tell Adnan about her family tradition or not. It would mean they could not be together.
Tomorrow, she and Adnan will leave for Reykjavík. There was no point spoiling their plans with some stupid tradition that did not make sense.
The temperature dropped suddenly and drastically in the evening. Most people stayed indoors. The roads turned icy and dangerous. Sari waited for Adnan to come to pick her up. By nightfall, Sari knew something had happened. Adnan had never stood her up before.
Putting on her fur winter coat, she walked down to Adnan's workplace. There was a small crowd of workers looking forlorn outside. Sari could feel her heart pounding furiously as she drew close.
"Hey, Chad," she touched Adnan's colleague gently on the shoulder. "Where's Adnan? What happened here?"
Chad turned sorrowful eyes at her and shook his head. "I-I'm sorry Sari. I've never seen something like this before. Adnan had finished work and was heading to see the foreman when his ankle twisted mysteriously. He screamed, tripped and fell into the smelting furnace. There was nothing we could do."
Sari froze, staring into distant space as Chad recounted Adnan's unexpected death. Another colleague who did not know who Sari was whispered to Chad, "I don't think I will ever forget his screams. Horrifying."
"Sari?" Chad called but Sari turned, pocketed her hand in her winter coat and strolled home in silence.
Sari got into her house, locked the doors and curled on her bed. The words of the Sisters of Sakha resounded in her mind, "Forfeit and know loss…"
She remembered her mother saying on her deathbed, "It's your destiny. Let them or they will take from you till you ascend."
Grief-stricken, she slipped into a deep sleep where the Sisters of Sakha appeared to her. "Sister, your place by our side awaits," one of the solemn-looking sisters said, her voice soft like a breeze.
Sari nodded once. "I'll journey down to Taiga tomorrow to take my place."
The Sisters smiled and spoke at once and in unison, "We have known sorrow like you. The gods would have no competition. We are your comfort."
The scene changed in a blink. Sari found herself by the lakeside, Adnan stood at the far end of the lake. He smiled, blew her a kiss and waved.
I hope you enjoyed reading. This piece is simply fiction and has no bearing on any real situation, circumstance or person.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
They told me if I killed myself now it would save the lives of countless others.
Saying the longer I wait to kill myself the more people will suffer.
They are reckless and should have shown the proper media what they had before taking me hostage for 5 years. I know there are many in prison that dont deserve to be there because of this. Your stay in prison will not be fun @battleaxe and friends. People are going to want you dead when they find out what you did. I hope you die a slow painful death. You sick mother fuckers.
https://peakd.com/gangstalking/@acousticpulses/electronic-terrorism-and-gaslighting--if-you-downvote-this-post-you-are-part-of-the-problem
Its a terrorist act on American soil while some say its not real or Im a mental case. Many know its real. This is an ignored detrimental to humanity domestic and foreign threat. Ask informed soldiers in the American military what their oath is and tell them about the day you asked me why. Nobody has I guess. Maybe someone told ill informed soldiers they cant protect America from military leaders in control with ill intent. How do we protect locked up soldiers from telling the truth?
For some reason this passage scared me more than anything. These Sisters are NOT messing around, yikes!
!PIZZA
😂😂 No, they are not. It's either you are with or nothing! Hehe. Thanks a lot for reading. !LUV
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Beautiful
Captivating
Painful
You caught my attention from the start of this sad story to the end.
What wrong did Sari do to deserve being born into such a family?. Was loosing one's life enough price to pay for love?.
Would Sari ever be able to live with herself after such agony her lover had to go through?
They're so many questions that need answering... But sadly. The story has to end ....😩
😂😂 Me too, I have so many questions but that's life! It was a hard price for Sari to pay for resisting her destiny. Like the Sisters said, the gods would not have any competition for their attention. Sari has to be 100% into serving them.
Thanks a lot for reading and dropping a comment. !PIZZA 🙂
Ómo, this kind gods , they no get chills but true, the signs were there, she was warned countless times. Now she had to live with it all her life. It's her destiny..
Thanks a lot for sharing ❤️
Wow... What a tragic death.
Meanwhile, why can't they let someone have their freewill? What's with those sisters sef?😒😒
Anyways, fiction or not.. would there be a continuation?🤪🤪
😂😂 I apologise on behalf of the sisters. Don't be angry with them please. Hehehe, I'm afraid there's no continuation for this one! I appreciate you taking the time to read. Thanks! !LUV
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Ohh.. I was really looking forward to a continuation😪
Nevertheless, thanks so much for sharing and for the Luv💙
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Me after reading Adnan's sudden death!
What?! This is one hell of twist. I thought maybe the icy weather would prevent them from traveling and not result in Adnan's death. Well, a fiction is a fiction.
I hope the sisters are satisfied now as they offer their "comfort" 😒😏. I love this story, the mystery, suspense, twist and setting is awesome. I enjoyed reading your thrilling story.
😂 Your gif made me laugh! Well, such is the sacrifice Sari had to make to take her place among the Sisters of Sakha. Hehe, thanks a lot for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed this story. !LADY !LUV
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A very imaginative story. I like the sweeping icy landscapes. These are grand places in which to fulfill one's destiny.
Thanks a lot, @litguru. I like the landscape too. The image inspired me to write this story. ☺️ !PIZZA
Kemmster with the 🔥.
You already know I like your writing tho, so let's cut the chitchat:
Here's an example of how you might fix this:
Why thooo? This is so out of nowhere it takes you out of the whole thing, like (YO, I know this bitch be sippin her coffee, but listen, let me talk to you about this death cult) or whatever the fuck. If you instead made the mug she is hugging her mother's mug, that she gave Sari on her deathbed, it would give a reason as to her train of thought. It would still feel out of place mind you, but it would be better. A step in the right direction.
Show > tell is a constant struggle for any writer, right? We constantly get better at it. How I got better was any time I wanted to write an expository paragraph = I wouldn't. Instead, I'd find a way to introduce the topic and explain it as best I can through the narrative and/or the character motivation.
In other words: practice, practice, and, oh, yeah more practice. 😁
My other gripe you can ignore since it's a stylistic thing:
At any rate, keep writing please. And post more on Scholar and Scribe so I can give you the feedback you deserve. 👊
Peace.
Thank you for your full analysis of my story. I do appreciate you taking the time to read and thoroughly comment on this!
As for the counsel you've given about "waaaaay too many adverbs" - I do not agree. I happen to know that adverbs are not lazy at all. As a matter of fact, it can take quite some time to find the most applicable adverb for a sentence.
I'd always prefer to use an efficient adverb over a wordy phrase. It can just sound like I'm talking to hear myself talk - and as a writer, I prefer to make the best use of my reader's time by not wasting it with excess words.
In that case, I do find that adverbs are not at all lazy or cheap - but eloquent and priceless! 🙂
As for the show>tell. Yes I quite agree here. Painting a picture with words and drawing the reader into the scene with evocative images is absolutely essential to exquisite writing! I'm sorry that you're not seeing more of that from me, but I did feel it was a very balanced use of show vs. tell. This is my style of writing, a unique one. We cannot all write the same way or your way. That's the beauty of diversity.
I suppose a lot of your critique is merely based on your opinion, and as such, comes across as subjective. Which is very fine! We all have our opinions! But, I would like to suggest that if you feel the need to critique myself (or possibly other writers) in the future, that you do so constructively.
It is a careful thing to criticize a writer, when they have merely asked that the readers enjoy their work - or move onto others that they enjoy more. You did state that you enjoy my work. So, I'm happy to hear that!.
And as for getting more practice in, yes - I do agree to that too. I have been writing every day for the last 2+ years, and I have seen an incredible amount of growth! I'm very proud of that, and I realize I still have far to go! WE all do! 🙂
Anyway, I hope you understand my point. Thanks for visiting!
We cool kemgurl, I get that criticism comes off like an attack or something, but for me it's just words. And words are wind. 😁 I've talked ad nauseum about how much I love your work for months now, and I wanted to give you my perspective on things. Of course my opinion is subjective, that's the point of writing. Something I've also talked ad nauseum for. I wanted to give your work the attention it deserved, and I thought you knew my opinion well enough that I didn't have to make an already long comment 1.5x longer to explain principles we ally on.
You have a point here when it comes to short stories. Yes, I'll use them too cuz you gotta be stingy on word count. But that's why I said it's a bad habit. If you plan on writing longer-form material then I think adverbs are lazy. You say 'wordy phrase' but that's the skill part, that's the practice part - making it less wordy.
But ye, this is not something I feel strongly about, as I said it is a stylistic thing.
I don't know how my comment wasn't constructive. 😅 I stated my opinion about a pretty fundamental part of writing, gave an apt example, expanded on it. Then I talked about a stylistic concept in which I explicitly state "you can ignore" in bold letters. And honestly, even if you didn't ignore it, there is still something to be learned there either about your own personal writing or writing in general. So kemster I dunno, I don't appreciate you calling me out on something I am known not to do.
I always stand for constructive criticism, for becoming better. Not mincing unnesecary words. I guess if I made that explicitly clear in my post you would have taken my critique differently. But I thought you already knew that. Oh well. 🙂
I like your writing, I want you to keep writing. That's why I posted that constructive comment. I'm kinda sad it upset you, kinda disappointed as well.
At any rate, looking forward to your next one. 😁
🍻
Well, I'm hooked! Is there going to be more? I need more. You've set up a huge world and Sari's character is only just beginning to develop and I want to follow her through to the next step. I love this world you've created!
!PIZZA
Hehe, I did not plan to write beyond this but I'll look into a continuation. No promises though! Thanks a lot for reading. 🙂