How to Move On?

Last two weeks, there was a woman who added me on Facebook. I thought she was a relative of him, so I confirmed that woman. She posted pictures when they were in Siargao. There was one picture which the man (father of my baby) was with that woman, but I still thought it wasn’t him because the picture was blurry. Later, that post was deleted. I was nervous when my instinct came along because I couldn’t accept the fact that my baby will end up into a broken family. The woman posted her mydays I cared to ignore because I was afraid to see a sad reality.

While I was in a hotel room at my mother’s birthday, I scrolled up my Facebook feed but my baby took my phone. She accidentally tapped the woman’s “My day,” then damn, it was her father’s face that appeared on that FB story. The woman was very proud to share their moments together while video calling with a caption that she misses her boss very much. She meant that he is her boss. She also added a song, “Palaging Ikaw” in that My Day which means, she always thinks about him. I was shocked and broken. The tears just kept on dropping that I tried to hide from my baby. The pain I dealt with from my past when I was so hurt was flashing again. It makes me feeling so little and nobody.

After I saw that My Day, I,messaged the woman. I asked her that the man she’s flirting with has a baby. Then, she blocked me. Out of anger, I messaged the man, confirming their relationship. He denied her. I know He lied because it’s pretty obvious that his feelings towards me is gone the way he treats me. He only message me once a week when he asks if I claimed the money for my baby, then bye suddenly.

Remembering those months when I was pregnant, he also flirted with my friend. When we went together outside, he only looked at my friend’s eyes while we talked. Maybe if I was strong, I walked away, but I was thinking about my baby. If we both went to my OB-GYNE, he sat down away from me. When we go outside, he just walked away from me and sat down away from me. I felt like he was ashamed I was with him. When I delivered my baby, he had a fun at his relative’s wedding. When I had an operation, he didn’t even ask how I was while he was in Manila. Those are his red flags and I had many bad memories with him, but why am I so affected like this? Even one time, he didn’t introduce me and my baby to his friends and family. But why am I hurt?

Friends, I wanna move on from this man but I don’t know how because I need to communicate him for my baby’s support. Right now, I cannot work to support myself and my baby because she is just one year old. I wish to lose all my connections to him, but I can’t, for the sake of my baby. It’s just me who is very inlove at him, the love he cannot reciprocate even once. I didn’t expect that it’s a one-sided love because when our relationship was new, he cared at me a lot and was very sweet but he was changing slowly ‘till I have finally confirmed his other affair to another woman. The woman seems so obsessed of him because she used two different accounts to add me.

I wish that when I’ll wake up tomorrow, I’ll finally be free from this emotional stress. I feel like I’m losing a self-esteem again. When we were together, I thought that his love was true. I thought I was a lucky woman that someone loves and accepts all my flaws, but I was wrong. Right now, I feel rejected and the pain is hard to stop. I don’t wanna open my messenger as it gives me an expectation that he would message. Until now, all my messages are in seen zone. I was paranoid. Every night, I just secretly cry because I miss him so much but he replaced me that easy. I wish I could hear encouraging words today so that I could move on easily.

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Thank you amazing friends @olivia08, @diosarich and @antonette.Thank you @justinparke for your kindness and delegation. Thank you @asean.hive for your unfading support. Love love all the way!