The cost of my fears in love

Around 2018 when I got admission into University, I felt I was the happiest of all because during that time, I was already believing that one day I will become a graduate👩‍🎓. and u all know how it feels when one is addressed as a graduate🤠🤠..infact it feels as if one killed an elephant with a single blow👊.@honestyy
Now, during that time, there was this beautiful and very brilliant young lady who was also very religious named clara. she was my course mate, and as such I do see her anytime we had lectures.

So, as days passed by, and seeing her everyday, suddenly I began to feel that like her and this feeling about her was a kind of a natural one that every day I feel as seeing her around. even that we don't talk I just love it, when am seeing her👀👀👁️.
because we were not acquainted so, I never talked to her.
But as the feeling kept growing, I then one day decided to walk to her and talk to her.... having introduced myself to her, she also did the same and her responses to me flattened my heart so much..I began to feel relief and less burdened infact my heart was filled with great joy and that was how that day went. Since from then, we continued to talk anytime we meet and at last we became friends but not too closed.

Now because she was an easy-going person,🤗🤗 she had a lot of friends most especially the male friends who were Everytime around her and this guys were very nourished and boyant. seeing this, I became nervous🙍🙍 and discouraged 🤦🤦 because I felt that this guys were also interested in her. but because the feeling for her was not a joke, I kept working out my ways of becoming more and more closer to her.
As time went on, we became so closed to the extent that we do hangout together most especially when it is weekends.

So, our friendship continued that anytime she doesn't find me she will call to know my were about and so do I when I don't see her around.
I really enjoyed those time because i became so free and living satisfied.
After a month, I finally fell in love with her in my heart. but at this time I was scared to tell her. because I felt that if she doesn't accept, our friendship will crash and I will not enjoy those time with her again. secondly, I also felt she would say because I let us become friends I wanna take advantage of it. and the fact that she was so religious too increased my fear. so, my heart was full of negative thought about that and I decided to give her more time.
As we continued, we became familiar to each other.. we played🤼🤼, joke and even share things in common... I was deeply in love with this girl this time👩‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍👨... but yet I was unable to open up. and that was how I continued to postpone days to weeks and weeks to months and this continued to happen.

All these happened when I was in 300level.
Now it was my third year at school and at this time we were supposed to go out for 6months industrial attachment.
Now this was my greatest mistake that time🤦🤦.
though I had planned to open up to her before we parted... but another mind suggested that it will be best I open up to her while she was away... so I decided that I will call her and tell her. but surprisingly that we talk everyday on phone yet I never had the courage to tell her anything about it.
I was so seek and tired of my dull behaviors🤦🤦... so at this I Again concluded that once we are done with our industrial assignments, on returning to school no matter the cost I will open up to her.
Not knowing that while she was away, another guy who was also on his industrial assignment at the same place with her found her and fell in love with her and she accepted him.
Unfortunately before she return to school, she was already engaged to him.
When our assignment was over, I was among the first persons that resume to school. After a week, I called her and she told me she had resumed too. I was so happy to hear that🤓🤓...so I told her I wanted to see her I had a very important message for her. so she agreed.
The next day when we met, we're both excited to have seen each other again. while we're still exchanging pleasantries, my eyes came in contact with a ring in her finger, immediately I asked her what a ring was doing in her finger. because I had nver seen her put on a ring before.
Joyfully she said to me... don't be too fast I was going to tell but Only after you have said the reason why u summoned me here.
But I insisted that if she doesn't tell me about the ring I was not going to say anything.
So...she said ..I am engaged.
What!! I shouted,😫😫 involuntarily tears began to run down from my eyes😢😢... my heart felt as wounds.
Then she said why are u crying what has happened??
After sometimes, I opened up everything to her, all my struggles and how I have failed myself to have loosed her.
In tears😢😢, she also said why did you do this to us. I had felt the same thing then, but the way you acted to me makes me feel that you were comfortable with us been just friends alone.
and as such I made my way not knowing that you were there.
hearing this from her, my tears increased greatly 😭😭😭 but it was too late and there was nothing I could do about it. for she was far gone away from me.
After the day, the remaining time at school became so miserable to me🤦🤦 cos we no longer played like before and many other things we do gradually began to fade away.
This alone took me over a year to recover myself..
This was what shame and fear cost me.
When we graduated from school, she got married 👨‍👩‍👧 to him and now they have a very beautiful daughter.♥️♥️♥️

SHAME IS A DISASTER.
WHILE
FEAR IS THE FATHER OF IT ALL.

LEARN TO FACE YOUR FEARS. So you don't get to end up like me.

All the pictures used in this story are mine.