Sandra's Birthday Party.
Betty arrived at Sandra's birthday party and all eyes were on her as she walked through the door into the luxury apartment rented for the celebration.
"I would have requested a Bentley as a birthday gift if you didn't show up" Sandra teased as she welcomed her best friend to the party.
"You know my job doesn't give me time but anything for you sweetheart," Betty replied and handed Sandra the small bag.
"Is this mine?" Sandra asked.
"No, it's not for you. I got it for today's celebrant," Betty replied.
"You are not serious," Sandra replied as she opened the bag. She saw a small box in the bag and gently opened it.
"Oh my God!" Sandra screamed with excitement and hugged Betty immediately.
"I am glad you love it," Betty whispered into Sandra's ear and they both laughed.
"Help me with this," Sandra said as she stretched the necklace in the box to Betty.
"Why? You have one on your neck already," Betty replied.
"Remove it and put this one, I want to have this on or don't you see it fits my outfit better," Sandra replied.
"Okay, I will do as you have said. Just stay calm," Betty replied.
"I wouldn't be staying long because of work, we can always celebrate alone or what do you think?" Betty asked after fixing the necklace.
"Not today Betty, can't you just stay around? Don't tell me this same story at my wedding because you are walking right behind throughout that day," Sandra replied.
"I promise this won't happen on your wedding day," Betty replied and couldn't prevent herself from laughing.
"Danny would be here in a few minutes and you should at least meet him for the first time," Sandra muttered.
"Okay, I will wait. Can I have something to drink or I can't get a guest treatment at my best friend's party?" Betty teased and they both went to get a glass of champagne each to make a toast.
There was a lot to eat and expensive drinks at the party while the DJ was dishing out an awesome mix. Betty looked around for a few seconds and thought about how Sandra could have funded such an expensive party from her tailoring business.
"Dear, is there something you are not telling me? This looks like a lot compared to last year," Betty said to Sandra.
"You mean the party?" Sandra asked and Betty nodded.
"I didn't plan it huge but Danny insisted and I didn't spend a dime on anything for this," Betty replied.
"Seriously? Danny must be loaded or isn't he the guy you met at the mall about three months ago while I went for training?" Betty asked.
"Yes, he is the one. You know we didn't get to talk much about him because you were away but he's a good guy," Sandra replied.
"What's his job?" Betty asked.
"He is into real estate," Sandra replied.
"Oh, that's great! Those guys are making lots of money these days," Betty replied.
The ladies were chatting when Danny walked in and he went straight to Sandra to hug her. Danny sprayed her with lots of money and the guest cheered him as he splashed some money into the air.
"Meet Betty, my best friend. Don't we look like twins?" Sandra said to Danny after they settled on the couch in the corner of the giant living room.
"She is prettier," Danny muttered and stretched his hand to greet Betty.
"I am Danny," He introduced himself and Betty froze for a second as she stared at the diamond ring on Danny's finger.
"Betty, are you alright?" Sandra asked.
"Yes, I am. Danny's cuteness made everything pause for a moment," Betty replied and the three of them burst into laughter.
"It's nice meeting you," Danny replied and they continued chatting for a few minutes.
"Can I speak to you in private?" Betty said to Sandra and the girls excused themselves immediately.
They got outside and Betty put a call across to her place of work.
"Hello, this is Captain Betty."
"Hello captain, how may I help you?" A male voice replied.
"I need an image of the missing items at the Victoria House robbery," Betty replied.
"Okay, I will send them right away. Give me some minutes to get them," The voice replied and Betty ended the call.
"What's going on Betty?" Sandra asked looking confused.
"Have you by any chance told Danny I am a police officer?" Betty replied.
"No, you warned me against telling anyone for my safety and I have never told anyone," Sandra replied.
"If that's the case, Danny might not be who we think he is. I can't say anything for now," Betty replied.
"I don't understand you," Sandra stuttered.
"Nothing is sure until I get those pictures I demanded," Betty replied and the pictures came in some seconds after.
"I knew it," Betty said immediately after she checked the pictures.
"That ring in Danny's hand looks like a missing piece at a robbery scene," Betty said to Sandra and showed her the pictures.
"Anyone could have this or do you think it's only one of it in the world," Sandra asked.
"There is only one of that ring because it is a family heirloom passed down from generations," Betty replied.
"You mean Danny stole it?" Sandra asked.
"I didn't say so and he could have bought it from the criminals. He can be quite helpful," Betty replied.
"Why today of all day? I hope this doesn't ruin our relationship and what if you are wrong about him?" Sandra replied.
"You don't have anything to worry about, I am here for you. Just trust me," Betty replied.
They were about to return inside the apartment when Betty got the notification of another message. She opened the message and it turned out to be clips from the robbery scene with a caption, "fresh pictures from a hidden CCTV camera."
In the pictures, the robbers had masks on but their necks were exposed. Betty zoomed the picture to see the tattoo on one of the robber's necks and Sandra peeped.
"That's familiar! Danny has that tattoo on his neck and at the exact spot," Sandra said to Betty.
"Are you sure about this?" Betty asked.
"I am very sure," Betty replied.
Betty made a call immediately and requested a backup at the apartment. She warned against the use of siren within that premises.
"Can't you just do this when he leaves? Please," Sandra asked.
"I am sorry, can't take any chances now. You should understand better," Betty replied.
"We have to go back in there and play along until my team arrives. Promise you won't ruin this for me," Betty added.
They went back inside the apartment and Sandra struggled to play along.
"Are you alright? You haven't been okay since you came back inside," Danny asked Sandra.
"Am fine," Sandra replied and wore a fake smile.
"So what do you do?" Danny asked Betty while they were chatting.
"She is a branch manager at KFC," Sandra replied before Betty could say a word.
"Yes, I head a small branch. I am happy there," Betty stuttered.
"That's lovely," Danny replied.
Betty excused herself immediately her phone rang and she knew her team had arrived.
She went outside to meet with them and gave a briefing before they stormed inside the apartment to take Danny. It was easy and Sandra just watched everyone leave except her siblings and a few friends after the police left.
She felt terrible and just sat outside the apartment. Sandra wondered what things would look like if Danny wasn't the criminal and probably there was a misunderstanding.
The night passed with lots of thoughts playing in her head and exactly past 6 am the next day, Sandra got a text from Betty.
"Danny is a tough guy but he confessed after we made a deal with him to expose the other gang members."
Sandra was relieved for a while and just waited for Betty's call which came about an hour later.
"Sorry about yesterday," Betty apologized immediately they exchanged pleasantries.
"It had to happen or what if he had put me in danger in the future?" Sandra asked.
"That's true and to make up for yesterday, I will spend the weekend with you so that we can reach out to your guest and apologize for what happened," Betty replied.
"Is that necessary?" Sandra asked.
"Yes, it is. Let's show that they are important to you," Betty replied.
"If you say so but honestly, I still can't wrap my head around everything that happened. Who could have thought Danny could be such a person," Sandra stuttered.
"Let's be thankful he was exposed before you got deeper than this," Betty replied.
The conversation went on for a while and Betty's words weren't enough to cheer Sandra up. She spent the rest of the day drinking and sleeping.
You have the makings of a good detective story in this piece, @george-dee. Betty's acute observation leads to the arrest of a thief. There is another plot though, in a way a more important plot: Sandra's discovery that her fiance is a thief. This is the emotional center of the story, which you could exploit more effectively. In this line, especially, you have the opportunity to show Sandra's profound disappoint and even grief at her discovery:
'I hope this doesn't ruin our relationship' simply doesn't do the job. She should be shocked here. Not only would you as a writer mention that, but you would describe the symptoms of shock. Maybe her face turned red. Maybe she felt faint. Maybe she wanted to strike out at Betty for bringing this news and destroying her relationship. There is a perfect place at this point for you to show the emotional impact the bad news had on Sandra.
You do a good job of plotting the events. It all makes sense. The only thing missing here is the obvious emotional impact.
Thank you for sharing this interesting story with us, @george-dee.
Thanks for the correction, I will make ensure I give emotions in detail next time.