ᴜɴᴍᴀɴᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴs ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟᴇᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴇᴘʀᴇssɪᴏɴ.

One of the most common thing among humans is our ability to plan for the future which is fuelled by our imaginations. As a human a day has never gone by without the thought of the future crossing my mind, I make plans which includes both short and log term plans. I divide them into little objectives to increase the chances of achieving the overall plan. One of the reasons why I don't make rigid plans is to give room for uncertainties. As time goes by if I should discover at any point that there is a part of my plan that doesn't conform with the present situation, I'm always willing to compromise. I mean what is the point of creating a concrete plan only to fail at the end of it. This attitude of always willing to compromise is not something I picked up from somewhere, I learnt it the hard way.

_{I have used this image many times you must be wondering what it is about, it was taken after my project defence exercise.}

December 2022 was when I finished my final year exam in Moshood Abiola polytechnic, the long awaited goal of being a graduate was finally achievable. By January 2023 I finished my research project and defended it which went well as expected, I mean I have been preparing for my day of defence since the day I started the project. With everything all sorted all that was remaining was the result of my final semester that I did and NYSC mobilisation which is actually the main goal. There are few benefits attached to NYSC program for instance the monthly allowee, having the opportunity to visit another state e.t.c when you think of it, there is nothing grand about the benefit but for me there was.

I said it already that I'm a master planner, so before I concluded my final semester exam which I knew I was going to Ace but I still prayed to support it because my school was full of surprises. My mom elder sister visited us in Lagos during the ileya festival in July 2022, in the midst of the whole merriment we had time to sit and talk about what I plan to do after my graduation. She knew I will definitely have a plan because it is something I'm known for.

Though I could not start narrating the whole plan I had but I just had to tell her the part of the plan she could make possible which is the employment aspect. Her husband works in the ministry and he usually hear of vacancies first hand compared to outsiders. she smiled and said my timing is perfect, as at that time there was going to be a vacancy at her husband's work place that came with accommodation which is a major issue in seeking employment in Nigeria. I mean you wouldn't want to seek employment in a far away place no matter how good the pay is you still have to consider a place to stay and how much you are willing to spend on transportation.

The job offer sounds juicy but I knew I don't have the requirement to get the job but she asked me not to worry that the vacancy has not been officially announced till next year which is 2023, it is only the staffs that knew of it. According to her I still have the duration of about 11 months before the job vacancy offer expires. She informed me about this in July 2022, I could remember this because it was during the ileya festival {Eid al-adha}. As at then I have not done my final year exam, so lets fast forward it to January 2023 when I concluded my final year project.

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After the exam and project defence occurred like I said earlier, having in mind that I was running out of time, I have already exhausted 5 months out of the 11 months window I had to get the requirements for the job. I was already feeling pressured but I felt since the project defence is done in the next two months our final year result will be released I will be able to process my statement of result to secure the job, though I still needed my NYSC certificate as part of requirements for the job but since it is a job in the ministry they were willing to allow me do my PPA {Place for primary assignment} after I'm back from camp while retaining the office till I get my NYSC certificate and officially become a staff.

I already planned it in my head calculating every step of it, then the never ending waiting game began. January, February, March, April passed and my school was yet to release my final year result. which was due to inner strike by the staff as result of outstanding salary. my aunt kept asking me for update but my answer was the same "My school has not released my result". By may the job was officially announced and the funny thing about jobs in ministries is that their vacancies don't to stay open for long. By the first week of June application for the job was closed, even as at that my result is yet to be released.

At the moment I knew I was pained but my reaction wasn't that obvious. Probably I found a way to keep the pain hidden, the thing about hiding pain is that it can't stay hidden for long. One thing about being depressed is that you wouldn't even know you are, only people around you will notice something has changed. At first I started losing interest in things that makes me happy and gradually I withdrew from every social activities except hive. Hive was one of the only thing that kept me going but it wasn't enough.

Withdrawing from social activities was not really bad because I'm an introvert in recovery 😅, I have never been a fan of participating social activities. So that didn't attract much attention to me but what did was my rabbit farm. My rabbit farm is one place I can't do without visiting in a day but during this time of my life I didn't visit there for like two months. My dad was the only one managing it and all I did was eat, sleep and lock myself up In my room. My dad was first to discover that I was going through an emotional pain.

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ʜᴏᴡ ɪ ʀᴇᴄᴏᴠᴇʀᴇᴅ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴏᴜɢʜ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇ.

One thing about me is that I'm closer to my dad than my mom and one of the special things about my dad is, he is very sensitive when it comes noticing change in people's attitude and creative when it comes to coming up with a plan to fix it. I don't know how he did it but he found a way to convince the whole family to go on a trip to the beach but not a cruise beach more like a spiritual one. my mom will never leave her business for a cruise beach but as long as it is church related she won't mind.

So we went to the beach in EPE town which happens to be my mom hometown, leaving my mom at the beach me and my dad toured around Epe town, visited my late grandmother's house and stopping at every palm wine/ Suya {Roasted meat} joint. The whole trip lasted for about 10 days, eventually I realised my dad's motive behind the trip but at that point I already caught in the fun. When we got back he kept asking me to do things which kind kept my mind occupied till my final year result was released in December 2023, a whole year of waiting.

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ʟᴇssᴏɴs ʟᴇᴀʀɴᴛ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇ.

Like I said earlier compromising my plans wasn't something I picked up but it was as a result of an experience I had. After the whole result issue ended I learnt to be more open minded while creating room for uncertainties and making sure my expectations of the future doesn't overwhelm me. Never to allow myself to be too fixated on my plans. I learnt to pay more attention to other little things that matters even if other things wasn't going as planned, speaking of other things I meant hive. Year 2023/2023 was the year I my hive account grew significantly compared to other years have been on hive.

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_{This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "Depression is real" in hive learners community.}

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_{Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
Image 1 - Source}

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