Silent cry || suffering and smiling.

Holla readers and fellow prestigious hive bloggers, it is another edition of weekly featured content titled "Toxic relationships" in hive learners community

_{𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺}

Humans are classified as social animals, among every other living beings on earth, it is a natural action for humans to communicate with each other in other formulate connection among each other, in the process relationships are formed either friendship or romantic relationship.

This has been the culture among humans but not all relations created and formulated Among humans yield positive results, some leads to disastrous end and others to higher commitment example of such are marriages. It has become the habit of humans to let go and abandon relations that are injurious to our well being but it is not always the case for some humans. Some decide to tolerate the toxicity of the relationship for a reason best known to them.

I'm a person who values relationship such as friendship a lot but anything other than that feels like a waste of time to me, apart from family relations which is practically the kind of relations formed before we are even given birth to. Due to likelihood for friendship I surround myself with like minded individuals, as long as you are the free minded, absent of religious bias & gender bias and with a working brain, obviously you are my kind of person.

Due to my complex personality I have never been the type to tolerate negative vibes in a relationship with anyone apart from one which I have already shared the experience on one of my post earlier this year. Instead of sharing a personal experience of mine when it comes to toxic relations, let me brief you on one particular relationship I witnessed.

In my higher institution days, I have a small circle of friends, which is actually an habit of mine like I have explained earlier. This small circle of like minded individuals consist of Two males and One female. We were all broadcast student, it became easier for us to roll together since we always fall under the same group In times of group practicals.

The female among us is named Mariam, Highly intelligent lady with noticeable potentials in the field of broadcast. She did her National diploma in Kwara State Polytechnic, we met during Higher National Diploma at Moshood Abiola polytechnic. She is highly religious and reserved lady, though she is not a fanatic Muslim, you know what I mean.

In the course of our friendship, I noticed she has a boyfriend, who is also in our department a Print student, they have been dating since there days in Kwara state Polytechnic. Though the guy does not roll with us, I guess to some extent I prefer it that way, I'm usually the group leader of our broadcast practicals while Mariam is always my assistant.

Mariam is both book smart and street smart 🤓, she also keeps her religious practices intact, I have never seen her miss any of her daily prayers, she is highly devoted. I and the other guy Stephen, we were both Christians, Mariam was the only Muslim among us, that never made her have doubt about us like some Muslims would have done.

In second semester HND1, I noticed that Mariam and her boyfriend Habeeb are usually in an On and Off kind of relationship, At first I didn't know the reason I never asked but eventually I found out. Habeeb was a fanatic kind of Muslim, he is always rolling with is Muslim brothers and sisters. I eventually found out that Habeeb is just religious in the surface just for show.

Habeeb is the kind of person that enjoys clubbing a lot, alcohol and to an extent I consider him to be an addicted fornicator. The most annoying thing about this guy is that, he has the habit of naming other people sinners especially the opposite religion, he has advised is Girlfriend not to roll with us a lot of times I guess she never listened.

Habeeb barely come for lecturers, he hangs around the mosque most times especially on Fridays, you will never notice is bad habit if you don't pay attention to his activities. When I found out about Habeeb I felt it was not my place to inform Mariam about her BF, so I told Stephen instead because they were all kind of rumour about me and her already. But eventually I couldn't tolerate Habeeb hypocrisy anymore, so I decided to inform Mariam, what I discovered was shocking.

To my surprise, she already knew of all Habeebs' extracurricular activities but she doesn't seem bothered by it, it was really difficult for me to understand, I tried pressuring her to tell me the reason behind her deliberate show of ignorance to Habeeb attitude, she just asked me to let the matter be.

At first I did but eventually I became more curious because Mariam is highly intelligent and smart, she is not the kind of person to be fooled by money and looks into holding unto such a toxic relationship, the moment I tried digging into life, she found out and gave me some space, though we still roll together but we don't talk much. I guess my actions were misunderstood, I wouldn't blame her what right do I have to start investigating her life apart from being worried as a friend, if I'm being sincere I guess I wanted to satisfy my curiosity also.

To my surprise, during our HND1 Second semester break, Mariam and Habeeb did their Nikah (Islamic religious marriage) Well I wasn't directly invited, I just went along with Stephen to show her my support. After we came back for HND2 we settled our misunderstanding and I stayed away from her relationship. Anytime she comes for night tutorial at my place with Stephen during exams, her eyes were reddish in colour, it was as if she was beaten or she has been crying a lot, I noticed I just chose to look away, I guess feigning ignorance was the best I could do.

few months before our final exams, the news went viral about Habeeb impregnating a lady from banking and finance department, it was what later led to their breakup, I wasn't surprised I knew it was going to happen eventually, It was after we graduated, that was when I found out from her junior sister that the marriage between her and Habeeb was a family arrangement between both families, I never knew such things still occur in this civilised generation, I was devastated. I felt sorry for her, I guess that was why she tolerated such a toxic relationship and suffered in silent for that long.

LESSONS

• 1)Guardians and Parents should refrain from making decisions and arrangements for children: This factor has resulted to a lot of maltreatment in marriage, especially for the female gender. marriage should be an individualistic decision, it should not be influenced by external factors because at the long run the consequences of the unhealthy arrange will only be suffered by the children not the parents.

• 2) Do not judge a man or woman based on their devotion to religion: Humans are very tricky because a young lady is obsessed with church or young man is a Muslim fanatic does not make them a good person. some people are just good at playing pretence, learn to read the person behind the whole religious mask, I guess to an extent Mariam must have had faith in him based on his devotion to Islamic activities.

• 3) No when to stop: Always know when to quit a toxic relationship, tolerance is good in relationship but not at the expense of your life. Do not wait till you suffer physical injuries before you let go of a toxic partner, it could lead to death or a mental disorder. learn to make healthy choices, we are responsible for the consequences of our choices.