Not old, just older?
As I get older, it would seem I am confronted more and more by the fact that life is short and fragile. It's interesting how you can be cruising along with life just fine and then something or somethings pop up and shake the foundation of life as you know it.
Okay, maybe not quite that dramatic. That sort of makes it sound like aliens made contact and everything we thought or believed was turned on end. Maybe a better way to describe it is one of those little blips in time where you accidentally trip over your own feet and almost fall.
You don't fall, but you almost do.
That's kind of what I have been dealing with lately.
You might (or probably not) remember a few weeks ago I mentioned in a post that a high school friend of mine had passed away. She was quite dear to me at one point in my life and although she had been struggling with leukemia and the complications it brings for a while, it was still a shock when she passed.
I've had grandparents pass away and older people I have known, but this was the first time I have ever had someone this close in age to me pass. As I said, I hadn't actually talked to her in a while, but it was still a big enough crack and a big enough stumble to put me a bit off balance for a few days.
Fast forward a few weeks... @mrsbozz gets a text on her phone a little over a week ago and nearly drops it out of her hand. Her mom and dad were spending some time with friends down in Florida as many older people from Michigan do.
Apparently they were playing cards and her mom passed out at the table. They took her to the hospital and it started a week long series of events that ultimately ended up with my mother in law getting a pacemaker and defibrillator "installed". I'm fully aware of how lucky @mrsbozz and I are that we both still have our parents with us at this point in our lives, but even though you know stuff like this is coming one day, it still throws you on end.
To say neither of our minds have been focused this past week would be an understatement. I think if she had been closer it might not have been so bad, but the fact that she was 1300 miles away made it almost unbearable.
I've already mentioned ad nauseum the fact that our dog Jovi is struggling. We know it's just borrowed time at this point, and dogs time with us is limited to begin with, but it's just another reminder of how quickly time passes.
I was watching some TV last night and for some reason my mind drifted back to a friend that I haven't talked to in quite some time. It was a guy I used to work with and although he was a couple months younger than me, I always felt he was miles ahead of me in terms of maturity, knowledge, and basically just having his life in order.
I remembered I was friend with him on Facebook, but I hadn't seen him post anything in a while, so I went to his profile only to find a bunch of posts from a relative to his page.
It turns out he had passed away almost a year ago and his aunt was still posting memories to his page.
Big crack in the sidewalk, big stumble for me!
I literally had trouble getting to sleep last night. I went to read his obituary and it simply said that he passed unexpectedly at home. I found myself getting angry that there wasn't more information. This guy was younger than me, ran those military challenge races, had lost a healthy amount of weight since I knew him, but this still happened!
I better start getting my affairs together right now...
Finally, I have another friend who had a heart attack when he was 47. It was serious, but didn't take him from us. It was a catalyst for me, and that along with my own fight against cancer prompted me to start being more diligent about working out.
Lately, that same friend has been dealing with some other issues which originally stemmed from diabetes. It's gotten bad. I mean so bad that he actually has been starting to think about his final affairs.
I sincerely hope he is being a bit premature with all of that, but then again, with this crazy world, you never know. As much as you might want to deny it to yourself, our time here is finite. All the crypto in the world won't buy you more and we never know when our time will be up.
Sorry for the downer of a post today, but stuff like this really gets you thinking and sometimes you just need to get some of those thoughts out.
Maybe I just need to take some advice from the great Bon Jovi:
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One never expects sudden passing of many people we know throughout life. Hope your mother-in-law is a lot better, distance makes one feel helpless and hopeless when miles sit between loved ones who take ill suddenly.
No matter how healthy one keeps oneself, when it's time to go no-one knows, thank goodness.
Thank you! Yes, it is hard being away like that. She is supposed to be home tomorrow, so that is good.
Hopefully no more upsetting news, it has been a rough couple of years, take care.
!PGM
Life is precious and fragile. A friend just lost a family member to cancer and that can hit any of us. We should still try to live a healthy life as that improves the odds. You need a good balance of that along with enjoying the fun stuff.
My parents are still around in their 80s and enjoying life. I feel lucky that I live in a time and place where we can have a good chance of a long life.
Stay well.
Yes, I definitely agree with that. Science is pretty wonderful and gives us more time than we may have had in the past.
Sorry to hear of the challenges you've recently experienced and happy to hear your mother-in-law pulled through.
Strange as it may sound your post is a bit of a relief to be honest in a "glad to hear I'm not the only one kindof way".
My brohter-in-law died suddenly last year and the shift in my own life/thinking has been dramatic.
He is the first of my generation in our family to pass. THere have been younger members who died in one offs and older members who died in what seemed "the natural order of things" but Martin was the first who was a similar age.
Since then I have struggled a lot with "what's it all about", "what's the point", "what do I want to do from here" kind of questions with no answers.
I wasn't prepared for another phase of life that I needed to learn to navigate. I knew I would get older of course and that phsyically I would have to slow down and make changes but I wasn't expecting such a dramatic shift.
I'm glad you found something in this. I felt like I was just kind of throwing a lot of random thoughts out there. It's definitely hard. I know what you mean about navigating another part of life. It's very bizarre. I think a lot of the things I have been focusing on lately are the impact that I have had. I don't think it has been great. I read all these nice things people say about other people and I don't feel like there will be so much of that about me. I need to fix that.
I get that too. However, I've found that comparing myself with others is really unhelpful and the thoughts about myself don't often reflect reality or what other people think of me. Especially when I'm struggling a bit. Also, I think we often have no idea of the impact we've had.
I learned that when I was coaching. Clients would often comment how helpful a session had been when I thought it was nothing special. And there were times when I felt I'd done a really good job and the client made no comment on it. And everything in between.
But, what do I know? I'm new to this and I guess we all have different things that concern us.
Thanks, that's a really great point! I have a feeling I probably positively impact more people than I know!
Exactly! 😍
Yes, unexpected news definitely breaks us, but then that is when we need divine help. I have been going through lot of difficulties as well since long time, but then I am trying to bring in some more positive energies to overcome them and I think, everyone needs them especially in our fifties.
I would agree with that. Being able to find some peace and comfort from something beyond ourselves is very helpful. Getting old definitely kind of sucks sometimes.
Glad to hear your MIL pulled through.
Yeah, it's all downhill 😃 That's not to be negative, just realistic. We will all die, and we will witness our folks decline and die, and some of our friends will die before us. One of the big differences I notice between a lot of the primarily Buddhist attitude here vs a lot of the Western attitude (which kind of covers the range between atheist and Christian, usually) of people I know visiting here or that I hear from back home, is that the former generally always is aware that time is ticking and things are changing and the end is approaching, whereas the latter tries to ignore these facts, which I think makes it more shocking and painful when those cracks you mention do appear. As I'm sure you've seen in the Japanese poetry I post, awareness of the impermanence and shortness of life is always at the forefront of everything.
Anyway. A buddy of mine about a year younger than me died last year suddenly in his sleep. I may have mentioned him to you. Later the autopsy showed some heart defect. That in mind I suppose we are lucky he lasted as long as he did. He drank too much moonshine and ate too much junk food, but was otherwise active, so it took all of us by surprise.
Another person I went to high school with (in my same class) also died recently. I wasn't close enough to ask the family how he died and they didn't post any details on FB. I do know he was having health problems, but nothing beyond that. I know someone else is in the hospital a lot and always posting about her problems, but hopefully she can pull through.
My uncle dying last year was much more shocking to me than either of my peers. He had been relatively healthy. Only in his 60s. But he had a stroke. Then his wife wasn't able to help him move around as well as she thought she would be able to, so she dropped him a few times and he hit his head more. More strokes. Shortly after he was dead. A few years before my youngest uncle, only in his early 60s, died suddenly in his sleep from a panic attack.
I don't know. I guess we are at the age when we just have to get used to these things happening. I look at the good. All these people I know who died had full lives with a lot of happiness, so that was good, and they left a lot of happiness in their wake. Whatever may be beyond this life, if anything, hopefully that will also be happy for them. If they retain their personality on the transition over, then I'm sure they will be well-liked wherever they end up.
I don't have an official will, yet, but I have set up things that will see my wife or kids taken care of when I'm gone, so I am at least that prepared. Like the cherry blossoms, it could be today or next week, but it will come before we know it (and before I'm ready), so being prepared is a good thing.
Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I hope you recover from the loss of your friend, and best of luck to your MIL.
Thanks, I appreciate that. No worries on the ramble. I get it. Whether you are ready or not, talking about this sort of stuff always brings up a lot of thoughts. Some of them good, some of them we would prefer to avoid. I would imagine for some it is more of a peaceful conversation. It's good to get it out there either way!
After the age of forty all those young healthy days tend to disappear. One health problem after another starts popping up. It's just life, we aren't immortal unfortunately. It's always smart to have your affairs in order. You may live another forty years or another two days! It's something I had to embrace after the COVID vaccine nearly killed me and may still be the cause of my ultimate demise!
Life is fragile and short, enjoy it while it lasts!
My wife and I have been talking about going to see an estate planner, but we just haven't gotten around to it yet. I know that's going to come back to bite us one day!
I’m glad your mother in law is fine
That same thing has happened to so many people and they died. That’s why we usually hear that some people pass out and that’s the end of it but I’m glad hers is not like that
Thank you! Yes, it is very scary and sad that more people can't get the help they need. I really feel like they need to start testing for stuff like this earlier in our lives.
Yeah life can be a kick in the nuts at times. While I am divorced now, three of the people that were in our wedding party are no longer with us. My buddy died of Mesopotamia which is a horrible death at just 46 years old.
You are very lucky to have all your parents still. My dad passed away 3 years ago now.
Enjoy life it’s very short.
Yikes! That is sad! I am really sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how hard all of that must be!
Yes life is short. Mrs T and I keep noticing more and more celebs if you like that we knew passing away.
Snowbirds we call them. We have a house in central Florida and that is where Mrs T parents retired to from Colorado.
Give the wee pup Jovi a hug from me, that is something that always got me, was how much shorter dogs lived than us.
They aren't quite snowbirds yet, but they have been going for the past couple of years. After all the excitement this year, I think they might be hesitant to go next year!
Indeed life is short so make each day count
I've been reflecting on my age a bit lately as well. This is why I have started to adopt a bit more of a healthy lifestyle including exercising a bit and cutting out some of my booze intake.
I think this is called the midlife crisis. Hope everything goes well for your mother in law!
Thanks, I appreciate that! They should roll back into town today. My wife and I have already planned on going to visit them this evening just to check in with them. I don't feel like I am any healthier but I know internally I am. It's just a process. I even worked out this past weekend when I usually take a break from exercise.
I try to get some exercise every day. Since I work from home and there is a gym in my building this is pretty easy to accomplish. I just take the laptop up to the gym with me and then work a little bit while I am between sets.
That's cool. We have a decent setup down in our basement. The addition of the treadmill has really helped a lot.
This is how death is deep and taunting. We know it's going to come but thinking about it alone or seeing it happen to someone close to us, makes it look like it wasn't supposed to be in existence 🥹
Sorry for your loss.
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I'm so sorry to hear about all of the bad news and I hope your Mother-In-Law is okay. The increasing frequency of friends passing started for us about five years ago, when we were in our mid/late forties. Going through that phase of life changes you and it definitely makes the urgency of living move much more to the forefront.
I just had an old high school friend pass last week. He had been battling cancer for about a year so it didn't come as a surprise. I hadn't spoken to him since we graduated. We were in marching band together and I remember those days so clearly.
These experiences of middle age really make you not want to take time as much for granted or put off reaching out to those friends and family that you've been meaning to catch up with.
Our time here really is so short and we don't have much say about that but, on the bright side, how we use the time we have left is mostly within our control. Hang in there!
Yeah, that sounds about right. I am in my late 40's now and it has all kind of hit the fan. It's funny because I hope I still have a lot of time ahead of me and I plan to make the most of it, but I still wish I could go back a bit to and do some things differently.
I had a sort of recalibration in my perception happen around that same time. I think this phase of life forces you to feel the urgency of time a little more that before. This is one reason we made it such a priority to travel now.
I can totally appreciate that!
As much as death is a painful topic to talk about, it is unfortunately very important. I understand where you're coming from. It is crucial that we live life and not just merely exist, that we get the most out of life while we're still here.
I'm sorry to hear about your bout with cancer. I can't imagine what you must have gone through and I hope your health is much better now.
We can't let these events put us in a bad mood though. Ever since I lost my old man, I have become more objective about the topic of death. Yes people around us will eventually die, but we will get over it and we will be fine. Death is a part of life and one day it will be our turn.
Your post has pushed me to do some much needed introspection. Thank you and I hope you have an awesome day.
#dreemerforlife
I'm glad you found it helpful. I'm in remission for about five years now, so I think I am doing pretty well! Thanks again!