Playing the Blame Game: A Minute of Mindfulness Post
I don't know about you, but I've been noticing alot lately that people have this incessant need to place blame for their lot in life or any other bad thing that happens to them.
I'm not talking about the big things or the elephants in the room right now, it's even the little everyday things that people just can't seem to handle.
Don't get me wrong, sometimes there is absolutely someone to blame for the horrible things that are happening in this world, but then again, sometimes crappy things just happen.
I'd be lying if I said it doesn't seem to be generational. It absolutely does. I also don't want to imply that we were once made of tougher stuff, but this need to play the blame game just feels like you are handcuffing yourself.
I was reading a news story the other day where someone got hit on the side of the road. There was a lot more to the story of course, but the part that really stuck out to me was the fact that the parents of the girl that got hit were suing the driver that hit her.
Just for a little bit of background, I'm pretty sure the girl that got hit was drunk, so there was some deficit there. Meanwhile this door dash driver is minding his own business when suddenly this drunk lady stumbles out in front of him. He stopped, he called 911. He honestly did nothing wrong.
Yet the parents are suing the bar that over served their daughter (okay, I can maybe see that), and this driver. I've never lost anyone like that, so I probably should just keep my mouth back, but it's not going to bring her back, is it really going to make you feel better to ruin someone elses life? Will you feel vindicated? Validated?
I was having a conversation with someone the other day and I was really struck by the fact that people can't seem to handle the fact that life isn't fair. It's just something that they can't wrap their heads around.
Perhaps it's just the fact that he world is so broken these days. People are looking for a shred of fairness anywhere they can find it. I don't know, but it's a crutch that isn't doing anyone any good in my opinion.
I challenge you in your future conversations, really listen and see just how much people play the blame game. I'm sure I do it myself. Maybe it's always been this way. Perhaps now that I am older I just notice it more.
Additionally, maybe I am wrong to just accept the fact that sometimes crappy things happen. Perhaps if we were all a bit more worried about "fairness" this world would be a better place.
Yeah, I'm not buying that either.
This weeks Minute of Mindfulness comes to you from the Tahquamenon River in the upper peninsula of Michigan. This is what is considered the lower portion of the falls and it's only recently that the view you have above became accessible.
There is a small island that sits between two branches of the river with falls on either side of it. In the past you had to use a rowboat to get to this island, but recently they built a pedestrian bridge so anyone can access it.
I've been to these falls dozens of times through my life and this was the first time I can remember having a view from the other side of the island.
Perhaps next time we are starting down the path of playing the blame game we can take a quick minute and evaluate what we are really wanting or needing in that moment.
Will our next thought or sentence fix the situation or change it? What would this world be like if we could bypass the bitterness and resentment and just live each moment knowing life is unpredictable.
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Sounds an all-round bad situation tbh. Re the blame game, they say the fish rots from the head down and if the values being promoted in our society are bad, this will reflect in the people. Did I just blame someone else? lol
Like I said, sometimes there is definitely blame to be placed, but not always. Looking for order in chaos is a fools errand I think.
At some point, someone needs to take responsibility for their own actions for sure. Negligence should be followed up on though.
I agree, sometimes people make mistakes and they need to be held accountable. Then again, sometimes poop just happens.
Such truth here! This line really got me, "...people can't seem to handle the fact that life isn't fair". It's so true. I've enjoyed reading all of Brene Brown's books and listening to her Ted Talks. I think Blame and Shame are so closely linked and we've all got to try to get through both of them together. I know when I'm in a super blamey mood, I often feel my own shame for how I've treated someone in the past or for how I haven't advocated for myself in the past when someone wasn't treating me well.
My wife loves Brene Brown. She's read several of her books and done a couple continuing education classes that are based on her stuff. Placing blame and shame together is a really profound concept. I think you are onto something there.
That life is unpredictable, but we can and should plan for it, right?
The bitter and sad reality of life is only about how one thinks about it. It is our thinking that makes it sad or pleasant. It's like someone who is afraid of the fast current in a river, but it becomes very fun for those who go rafting there.
BTW, you really found a very pleasant place for recreational contemplation. I imagine being there in a place you have visited dozens of times in your life.
Yeah, I used to a have a friend that was always down and felt like the world was out to get her. We used to say "if you hate the world, the world hates you". We definitely make our own happiness and just a simple change of attitude can change our worlds for the better. Thanks for stopping by!
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Very insightful! All you have to do is listen for a second and you will hear someone blaming somebody else for their problems. Has it always been this way throughout history, or is it worse today?
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It's possible it has always been that way. It might just seem more up front because of social media. I don't know.
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Thank you!
Many people don't seem to understand this, crappy things will always happen, but our attitude to these things is what really matters.
For sure! A good attitude can make all the difference!
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People need to stop blaming each other and spend some time alone with themselves. Blaming only creates a negative space which breeds only further negativity.
For sure! We all need a good deal of self reflection.
Everyone plays the blame game and it's really a shame. As I've gotten older I find that I play it much less and find it to be really a waste of precious time.
Our courts are filled with lawsuits because of the same. Someone has a bad surgical result and see it as a lottery ticket to sue the doctor. The bar served to someone underaged, yes a big deal, but I don't think lawsuits will make anyone happier or bring her back like you said...
Maybe I'm getting wiser as I get older or just sick of all the crap that goes on in the world. The world has never been a perfect place, and from what I see it's never really going to change. The best you can do is find moments like yours and find peace!
Yeah, I am trying to find more and more moments like that the older I get. It's just beyond me how whinny people have gotten. Even the small things I just want to say "get over it and move on". It's so not worth it.
I guess peoppe don't like to take blames or accept that they are wrong
I'm sure that the girl's parent will know that she was drunk but they chose not to talk about that
I think they know that, and to be fair, it sounds like she was definitely over served by the bar. There is some liability there, but the guy who was just out minding his own business doing his job. Nope.
Adopting a victim-mentality instantly puts people at a disadvantage it's as though their personal power is instantly vaporized. I see this a lot with the younger generations too. Your story about the person who was "hit" by the driver reminded me of a story about Winston Churchill (which is the antithesis of it, actually).
Have you heard about this one?
I hadn't heard that story before, but it is very interesting. Definitely much different than the attitude that most people have today!
Beautifully put.
It's easy to play the blame game/ the victim but it serves no one, it just adds to the misery.
It really does most the time. If not for yourself, but definitely for the people around you.
yup, the monster of blame will likely be one of the characters in my book in progress: 'The Monster of Disco' and not without a reason. It sure is one of the unhelpful voices in our mind.
We don't blame anyone though when things are working fine. It's our merit then 😉
Indeed! Isn't it interesting how that works?
Monkey mind...
That action just screams Boomers. I don't know... we are getting older, so if you told me they were Gen Xers I wouldn't be shocked, but that kind of "Karen" behavior screams Boomers... A spoiled generation that was given everything and it wasn't enough so like locusts, they consumed everything until we are left with crumbling world we have now.
That's the stereotype, anyway, as I'm sure you're aware of.
Kids have this incredible sense of "fairness". You are around kids a lot at the school I imagine, so you probably see this. They are always measuring what everyone else gets and they want the same or it's unfair and they get angry.
I always tell my kids life isn't fair. Some people are born stronger, some are born smarter, some are born with a heart defect and die young, some are born with magic genes and will life to 99 despite abusing their body with every chemical, drug, and bad food known to man. We always have two choices: we can shake our fist at the heavens and curse the universe for this unfairness, or we can wish people the best and move on, doing the best with whatever we were given. The first option might feel good in the moment, but that anger is going to make you miserable and moreover the more anger we get over the unfairness of life, the more we will obsess over it and see it and the more angry we will get. It's a vicious cycle. Life is unfair. The sooner we accept this and stop shaking our fist at the heavens about it, the better.
Hmm.. I don't think my kids really understand that. But they know the lecture by now 😂 So maybe that's something.
I actually have to disagree about it being boomers. They were made of sturdier stuff. I think things were rough enough for them that they fully understood that crappy things sometimes happen. If anything I would guess it is genx or beyond. Somewhere along the lines we resented the fact that our parents were so tough or realistic with us that we ended up overcompensating and sugar coating the future for the following generations. Gen X started the wussification of America and I think pursuit of fairness is a byproduct of that. In my expert opinion anyway 😃.
The blame game. Sometimes, I find myself doing that, but after self evaluating things, I get to see where I am wrong and learn from them.
Though there are times the blame game goes right. But people need to be responsible for their actions, and the driver did the necessary thing he should have done. I don't get it, but I understand their pain. It will be nice if they think things through and do the needful.
Yeah, I think we all start down that road from time to time. It's just how far we choose to travel down it. The further you go, the harder it is to turn around.
Have you ever seen the reddit group called AITA (am I the a-hole)?
It kind of makes me lose my faith in humanity. It is a lot of posts of people blaming another person for really dumb things and asking if they are the a-hole or not. It is pretty amazing to read. I think 80% of the posts would not have been written 30 years ago because there would be no confusion. Something is wrong with how people think these days!
Yeah, I have seen it before. It is definitely ridiculous. That and just some of the scenarios in general never would have been dreamed of.