Am I introverting wrong?
Believe it or not, I am a bit of an introvert. I know, I talk a good game here on Hive commenting and acting like the little social butterfly, but it's all just a show. Okay maybe not a show, that would imply it's fake. I just find it easier to interact via written word versus spoken word.
I've never been a great public speaker, it's something that has always terrified me. I think my issue with public speaking is two fold. First, I don't have much of a filter, so there is a 90% chance I am likely going to say something I shouldn't.
Second, I have an ADHD brain, it's always going a mile a minute and it's in a million different places all at the same time. That means I tend to ramble, babble, and get off the main subject pretty frequently. It's probably hard for the audience to keep up on the rare occasions that I do speak publicly.
The truth is, I'm an introvert who loves to be around people. Does that make sense? Of course the people make the difference, it's not like I want to be in a crowd of strangers all the time. However, if you put me with my friends or family, even though I might not be the most talkative or the center of attention, I'm more than likely content.
That doesn't mean I don't appreciate my alone time, but I fully acknowledge that I could never be one of those people who shut the world out and retreat into themselves 24/7. I'd go crazy I think.
@mrsbozz and I went out to eat with some friends on Friday night and I came to some realizations. The most important being this:
I love listening to my wife talk
I've actually known this for quite some time now, but it's true. When my wife and I go to the dentist to get our teeth cleaned, they usually take us both back at the same time. We have separate hygienists, so we are both being worked on separately but together. My hygienist was probably flabbergasted by the fact that I wouldn't talk because I was always busy listening to my wife talk to her hygienist.
Let's be honest though, they have their hands in your mouth, why do they bother talking to you in the first place. It's not like you can carry on a conversation.
Sorry, I got off the subject there (see what I mean).
I had to feel a little bad for @a4xjeeper on Friday night at dinner with him and his wife because I probably spent the whole time listening to @mrsbozz talk to his wife. Now, he and I have been friends for close to 30 years now, so conversation isn't always necessary, but still. I know I probably dropped the ball.
We talked a bit, but I know for a fact I mostly listened.
Which is pretty funny because if you asked my wife, she would probably tell you I never listen to her!
In addition to that, it was also loud in the restaurant we were eating in.
It didn't start out that way, but as more and more people trickled into Molasses Smokehouse and Bar, it got quite loud. @gooddream has talked several times about how annoying it can be when a bar gets too loud to even carry on a conversation. I totally agree.
By the end of the night, my head was spinning from all of the noise and I expressed my need to get out of there. Unfortunately, it's probably my fault that the night was cut short. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Likewise, @diamonddave probably gets frustrated with me as well. He's a bit of a social chameleon and he can find something to talk about in any situation. If I'm not talking though, that probably makes it difficult for him.
I can't tell you the number of nights we have sat around the campfire and said very little while our wives talked away right next to us. I wouldn't trade that silence for a night around the campfire alone though.
That human connection is still a requirement for me, even if it is unspoken.
Does this make sense at all? Can you relate to it at all? Am I totally off base? Could it be that I am not in fact an introvert? I'm just a normal person who is shy? I don't feel like that argument sticks when it comes to friends and family. Why would I be shy around them?
It's a good thing I put this in the reflections community, because I think this post definitely raises more questions than answers them.
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Most introverts are good listeners and yeah it’s very annoying when a bar or restaurant gets too noisy but it’s all so sad to sit alone in a restaurant with other seats empty. You went out with your wife because you guys needed the time out or maybe she did, well those are part of the memories we make👍
I've actually been in a bar where it was just me and @a4xjeeper and no one else. It was kind of sad. I totally agree!
Exactly
I have always been a bit of a loner, but I have got more social over the years as I found it brought various benefits. I quite like chatting about things I'm into. Of course my other half will discuss totally different things with her friends. I think women talk more about people and men more about things (hobbies/sport/beer).
Yeah, that could be the case for sure. I am the same as you and maybe part of the problem is that my friends aren't interested in the same things as I am. I have one I can talk to about music, but not all music. The other has interests that I know about, but never really dove into myself.
When the kids were small we went camping with another family. I didn't have much in common with the other dad, but he was into fishing and motorbikes. I have experience of both, so that gave us something to talk about.
I have my musician friends I can chat to now. Hive is an outlet for some other interests.
Yeah, that sounds about right. For me though it isn't always just not having things to talk about. It's also the fact that I enjoy listening to my wife talk to her friend.
Beautiful looking 👍😃
I don't think it is so much that introverts don't like being around friends. It's that they have a hard time making friends because they are uncomfortable around strangers. Also introverts are going to prefer small groups to large ones. It's not that an introvert ever wants to be the center of attention but it is easy for them to get lost in the crowd. At some point you start to feel like you have to compete to participate in conversation. At least this is how I feel in my introvertedness...
I hate restaurants/bars/etc. that are too loud to hold a conversation. Background noise is ok as long as I can talk to the person across/next to me without screaming or being screamed at. I hate having to repeat myself...repeatedly...and having to ask other people to repeat themselves. At some point it just becomes too much effort and makes me feel more stressed than relaxed.
Maybe I just have the wrong definition of introvert in my head! I like and understand everything you said there. That's why I would much rather just hang out by a campfire and talk. Or just sit there as long as we are in each others presence. Conversation isn't necessary.
Haha
An introvert who loves to be around people
I get that though
I love that but I’m an extrovert
I envy you a bit then!
We all say things that we probably shouldn’t, just be you. That’s all that matters. I’m quite sure your wife would say you don’t listen….🤣
Yeah, I need to try and learn to do that a bit more. I think I put up a wall with a lot of people.
It's easy being behind the keyboard, there's no expressions, just chat and banter. Face to face is another matter, and the lack of confidence can show easily. I tend to run out of conversation unless the other person is a chatterbox.
I've gotten better over the years at extending conversations since that is kind of my job, but yeah, I also still tend to run out of conversation unless the other person is really talkative.
I'm the same way!
Makes total sense my friend! I'm not a big talker either, I think most men feel the same. But that's where the women fit in, they do the talking so we have to!
!PIMP
You must be killin' it out here!
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You earned 1.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 1/2 possible people today.
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Boy do they!
You know, that's actually a really common problem and is why most people are terrible public speakers, especially those who aren't shy about doing it. If there is only one thing I learned about public speaking in my years it's that to be good, you have to practice a speech constantly just so that you are more likely to stay on topic and not ramble. The practicing is to help eliminate the rambling and digressions that make speeches bad. Steve Jobs was famously great at public speaking—and he famously would take two weeks before any keynote and both practice himself for two hours everyday at work and make everyone else do the same.
Anyway, I probably tend to be more of an introvert too. I listen more than I talk and only hang out with folks I like, which probably makes me look a little anti-social by not doing the social butterfly thing and talking to people I don't like.
I wish I was more open and better in a public setting. I don't want to be fake though. I just feel like social cues go over my head sometimes. I just had and example of this today, but it's a bit long to write it all out.
I do too, and it is funny as she is American and I am Scottish so wherever we are living, one of gets asked to say that again, keep talking etc because of the accent!
That is pretty funny because most people over here (including myself) are captivated by accents. Has she started to get a wee bit of one over the years or is her speech still pretty American?
We are absolutely the same here! I've been in doubt too if I'm a real introvert or just shy and came to the conclusion that it's a bit of both! Though, I'm happy to find more people alike. Makes me feel there is nothing wrong with me lol
Definitely nothing wrong with either of us, we just follow a different path! It's a struggle sometimes, but I'm just glad I don't have uncontrollable anxiety and things like that. I really feel for those people that do.
I love this reflection so much. Introversion takes all sorts of looks.
Thank you!
It's not uncommon for people to struggle with public speaking and social interactions, and it's important to recognize that shyness and introversion are distinct traits. Shyness is often characterized by a fear of social judgment or embarrassment, while introversion is more about how individuals recharge and gain energy – introverts typically prefer quieter, less stimulating environments.
Jerry Seinfeld said that the number one thing people are afraid of is public speaking... death was 2nd place. So there are people that would rather die than speak in front of a crowd. Something along those lines.
I once worked with a woman who was constantly promoted because she was married to someone high up in the company... and obvious nepotism hire. Part of her job was giving presentations to the rest of the rather huge office and she would break out into hives during every presentation. She had to be aware that this was happening and that probably made her even more nervous.
I was a class clown when I was a kid and later in life I would be involved in drama class. At one point in my life I was elected to a position where twice a year I had to give a speech in front of thousands of people, most of whom I had never met. For some reason this sort of thing has never bothered me and perhaps that is why I am the spokesperson for our bowling group.
Despite this, I can actually be quite reserved in public. I think I need a stage and an audience that kind of has to listen to me in order to be extroverted.
I wish I had that natural ability. I'm just awkward in general. People's attempts at small talk either go over my head or don't land right with me and I end up looking like an idiot. For example, I was heading out to my car one day and a teacher was heading into the building. He said "what's that bright thing out there". I looked and saw nothing I was totally oblivious. He was talking about the sun, it hadn't been out in days and was finally shining. I feel like a normal person would have picked up on that. Not me though.
Well i have this problem where when I am uncomfortable in a situation or I don't really want to be there I tend to be overly mean to people and lose my patience with them. In those situations I should just go home but since I am an idiot I stay out until the alcohol takes hold and then I become a talkathon.
That sounds a bit familiar to be honest. If I don't want to be somewhere I can easily just sit by myself and give off that don't mess with me aura. The sauce definitely loosens me up a bit. Then you likely can't stop me.
Most of your post comments seem to be centered on public speaking. Me on the other hand I couldn't get past that first photograph that made me laugh. It wasn't the beautiful sunset or the fantastic fire, or the conversation that your wife was having that you were obviously listening to and not partaking in… Lol… What made me laugh was the little Chewbacca staring you down!
😂
Maybe try bringing some earplugs with you to the bar next time. Ha ha ha ha ha
Ah yes little Faith. She belonged to our good friends and she left us a year or two ago. She was a good dog though she wasn't really a fan of Jovi.