RE: The Person-Oriented Paradigm: Developing a Helping Relationship

You're right. I am reminded of Henry Nouwen's "Wounded Healer," but that applies only to those people who don't hurt us directly. The idea is that our wounds can be a resource for someone's healing. However, when the person you are counseling is the one that hurt you, it is difficult to be both wounded and maintain objectivity. If the wound is still fresh and you are still processing anger and grief, your tendency is either to be harsh or over-soft. In a case like this, the counselor lacks clarity, trying to counsel while bleeding. Resentment is difficult to hide. The other tendency is to avoid hard truths just to maintain peace. If the counseling continues, you might find yourself as a counselor, emotionally exhausted, and that will not be good for both of you.