One From Storage and Time to Cull the Doubt

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The Art Crazy Old Man Knows I Am a Phony But Tells Me to Keep Painting Anyway 2014. Acrylic on panel, 36 x 48"

Happy June and near summer brilliance in the Northern hemisphere!
Unfortunately, this month won’t be such a high time for me. No peace and Elysium in store. I have scheduled myself to clean out the studio, paint it, and create more storage space (cull old paintings, build shelves).
I was insulted twice this week by a close friend. He said I should either paint differently and/or just give up painting altogether. It came out of the blue, like he was quietly thinking this for some time.
For a couple days I was really low. It felt like a hard slap in the face. A purposeful put-down.
And then satori came last evening at lake sunset.
I will paint with new vigor, triple my output, and close the door to the critical world, (but not to love). From now on I will check my friends at their imaginative limitations. Today I will forgive M. when we meet at a mutual friend’s birthday celebration. I might even thank him for the push he gave me toward freedom. He has an American mindset. For him, success is money and can only arrive if it’s dressed in finery. I forgive him his decades long attachment to culture propaganda.
I am young/old with fresh eyes and a studio that needs a good cleaning and rearrangement to fit the next thousand paintings to come.

I am the living flesh of the spirit of the art crazy old man.

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3 comments

@clareartista don't miss this read

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Reminds me of a friend ( with whom I was working on my first feature film project, back in the days ) telling me that perhaps I was just not cut out to be a filmmaker. It sure felt like a back stab, back then, but these kind of insensitive comments of people who don't really get us make us stronger, in the long run.

Keep doing you, uncensored.

P.S. I love this painting!✨

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Oh, this is par for the creative’s course! But man, when the snarky comes out of the mouth of one of your best friends... Yikes! I wasn’t ready for that after 15 years of discovery.
I feel it’s his problem more than mine.
I like the painting too. (Rare from me). I think it’s the subject matter.
Thank you @vincentnijman!

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A year ago, I had a ( guy who used to be a good ) friend telling me that he wasn't willing to pay 10 Euros for a signed copy of my book. No, he wanted to read it first and if he liked it, he would pay.
As a result, I did not gift or sell him my book.
We aren't really friends any longer.

Not just because of this, our friendship had been showing cracks for almost a decade. Sometimes people just grow apart and friendships change and end, naturally, and - in all honesty - I prefer not to have people like this around me, if I can help it. There's those who support and understand me too. I choose them.

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