RE: Making A Change - Weekend Experiences #163

Yes, we all make mistakes for sure, such is life, haha.
I think my mother just didn't have it in her to focus on me thriving, she was overwhelmed with life as is.

It's been a challenge growing up with her but my grandparents made up for quite some time, which I really appreciated. At some point, when my grandmother died, the family fell even more apart and I guess she felt alone in life more than ever. My grandmother kept everything together and nothing went unnoticed by her.

I felt very bad during the first years mostly when her disease came to light because I was living with her alone and when I saw the first signs of a manic episode, nobody in the family believed me, making me feel alone and unsupported as well. At some point, I gladly took the offer of my (at the time) in-laws to move in with them. I think I was 17 or so but just stayed with them as they were my safe home base.

They also opened my eyes that I'm not the mother, she is, and that I could only do so much. At that moment I realized I needed to step back for a while to let her figure out her stuff while being hospitalized for a long time so that I could continue living. This was the best advice I had all these years because that period drove me nuts, I was a ghost of myself while I had school and work to focus on myself.

You probably know how to be the one on the side and how difficult it is if they don't want help. My mother often stopped taking her meds without anyone knowing, and then the rollercoaster of being bad enough to be hospitalized started once again, sometimes it took months before we were at that point but I never understood why they couldn't offer help before it went out of hand. I hated that cycle.