Behind the Phrase “Big Boys Don’t Cry"

There was a time I watched a short skit. A young man who stood alone, his phone pressed tightly to his ear, and tears were streaming down his face as he spoke to his mother. I could tell this wasn’t a one-time thing but had been ongoing. Whatever he was going through had been weighing on him for a while. His voice was shaky, and for a moment, he became vulnerable.

A few minutes later, he heard his friends call him from behind and in seconds, everything changed. He wiped his tears quickly, straightened up and forced his voice to sound normal. He pretended everything was fine. He acted the 'strong guy' everyone expected to see. But none of his friends could notice, perhaps asking if he was okay. The same thing happened again, and he had to brace up and act like the strong guy to them again. But this time, one of them asked if he was okay, but he lied. Maybe he was afraid and chose not to speak up. When his friends left, his tears returned, too.

That scene perfectly captures the silent reality many men have to endure today.

For generations, there has been one common phrase which sounded like a commandment: Big boys don’t cry. From childhood, boys are taught to control their tears, swallow pain like pills and act strong because they are supposed to act as a real man and not a weak one.

This expectation made sense within the structure of society. Men were seen as providers and protectors, and with that, they were meant to survive, which depended on their physical strength, endurance and stoicism. When a man can endure hardship without breaking down, he has value, and nothing else can change that. And for this, this survival mindset toughened up into a rigid emotional rule.

Everything looks different from how it was then. Life has taken a new turn, yet such expectations remain the same. Though a man may not be fighting wars or hunting for survival, he is battling with something different, like being mounted pressures around them - financial responsibility, career expectations, emotional leadership in relationships, family obligations and even the silent struggle to figure everything out by themselves.

Today’s man is expected to provide, protect, lead, succeed and remain emotionally ready at all times and at once, which kind of feels impossible for a man to bear alone. And yet, he is not allowed to cry, claiming big boys don't cry.

How do you expect a man to handle such pressures that become heavy on him? Many men learn to cry in private, in bathrooms, in cars, on late-night walks or even on quiet phone calls with their mothers when no one is around them. Perhaps the world still feels unsure about how to help a crying man.

To be sincere, not everyone feels comfortable seeing a male vulnerability as they term it as weakness. Others don’t even know how respond, and so, the silence continues on both sides.

But here is the real truth we must accept and confront: crying isn’t a sign that a man has lost control. It doesn’t mean weakness. Sometimes, it’s proof that such a man cannot control himself for too long, and the only option is to choose to cry. Men have more endurance than women, but when it has gone beyond coming out to cry, they shouldn’t be blamed or seen as weak. They need to be pitied, too. Encouraging words could go a long way for them. Even holding them in your arms makes a big difference.

Strength shouldn’t mean emotional isolation. Real strength is found in the courage to acknowledge your pain, speak out, ask for help and admit when life feels overwhelming.

Big boys cry, too and yes, they shouldn’t stay long there. Cry it out and ask for help. Society needs to teach the world how to respond rather than teaching men not to cry.

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