The airing of grievances
My wife and I were sitting on the couch one evening a little bit ago and a subject came up that lead to a pretty interesting conversation. Despite our previous plans to skip this season, we found ourselves watching Big Brother. I know, I know, we said we weren't going to watch it and I really believed my wife when she said that this time, but then after about a week she fired up the DVR and started playing the next episode.
I said wait, "I thought we weren't going to watch it this season?" She said something to the effect of "I didn't mean it".
So here we are.
If you have ever watched Big Brother, you probably already know that it is a reality TV show. As is the case with most reality TV, everything is over the top and amplified. Especially when you have a group of people in such a small space together for an extended period of time. Emotions are heightened and things can spiral out of control.
Anyway, we were watching the episode and is usually the case, something happened and a member of the cast somehow felt slighted, so they felt it would be a good idea to have a house meeting and "clear the air". This is where @mrsbozz made the comment. She said something to the effect of "People have no filter these days, why does everything need to be aired out or discussed in front of everyone?".
See, we come from a time when it was absolutely acceptable to bury your emotions and bite your tongue.
Apparently somewhere along the line people felt that wasn't healthy or some other such nonsense and now here we are publicly writing rants on Facebook or clearing the air on national TV over stuff that is really quite insignificant.
By the way, are you confused by the photos in this post so far? I typed in the word "angry" into my Google Photos storage and these are just a couple of the photos it came up with. Trust me, I am just as confused as you. I kind of understand the shark, but the tree has me baffled!
This whole idea of clearing the air when there is a misunderstanding reminds me of the Seinfeld episode "The Strike". While Festivus is a real made up holiday created by author Daniel O'Keefe to celebrate on December 23rd bucking the commercialized tradition that is Christmas, there are pieces of the episode where they took some creative liberty.
Actually, the episode was co-written by O'Keefe's son, so while pieces of it may have been made up, I wonder how much is personal experiences as a child influenced the episode. One such made up aspect of Festivus was "the airing of the grievances".
This practice involves letting everyone at your nice gathering know all the ways they have disappointed you in the past year. While it makes for some good comedy, I can't imagine this practice is any more healthy than just keeping things bottled up.
It's one of those cases where it might make you feel better, but does it really resolve anything? Despite growing up in that era where it was better to just keep your mouth shut, I often find myself falling into the trap of the more modern practice of seeking justice.
I think it's another one of those cases were people feel that fairness needs to be implemented and as I have discussed in my blog before, life isn't fair. There are some things you don't get to know the answers to, and some things that just happen without explanation. People are allowed not to like other people. It's how you handle that knowledge that determines now miserable or how enjoyable your life will be.
Trust me, my wife and I didn't solve the world's problems in that short conversation while watching Big Brother, but it definitely shined a light on interesting behaviors that seem to be the norm these days.
Just because you think it or feel it doesn't mean you need to share it.
But perhaps I should be taking my own advice as I share this here on HIVE....
My Sports Account - @bozz.sports
Your Festivus callout nailed the vibe. A house meeting almost never clears anything, it just gives everyone new ammo and a bigger audience, which is probably why the show loves it. I use a simple test now, if it still matters next week talk in private, if not take a walk and let it die. Do you and your wife have a go to cooling off rule, or does the Big Brother chaos spill into debates at home?
I usually get over things a lot quicker than my wife. She can hold a grudge like no other. I get the silent treatment occasionally, but we don't let it fester too long. I think we have only had maybe a handful of major blowups in the past 15 years.
Thatās a pretty amazing track record for 15 years. The occasional silent treatment is basically a timeout for adults, and it beats turning every tiff into Big Brother drama. The real win is that you circle back before it festers and keep the tough talks private. Sounds like youāve found a rhythm that works, even if the grudges take a little thawing.
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@bozz there is a show here in Ireland and the UK called Traitors . It will hit the states soon as it is one of those reality show formulas that is genius . Look it up if you can get it . Great thing to watch with the missus .
We were able to stream this in the states last year, and the missus did indeed get right into it. I wasn't much of a fan myself, but that might just be because I find this type of game show physically and emotionally repulsive. It quieted her right down though, like Teletubbies for adults.
How could you find it physically repulsive buddy?? Did you not like the artwork on the round table , didnāt like the look of the manor ? Iāve never vomited after setting my eyes on a Manor House for the first time . Thatās some strange repulsive reflexes right there . I think we can both agree it would blow Big Brother out of the water š
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I think they showed that on Peacock Network. Is it hosted by Alan Cumming or whatever his name is?
Yes I think so but the UK version is great .
A Festivus for the rest of us! You need to air those grievances! lol
We grew up in a different time where you tended to bury some things rather than say them. I think social media and reality TV have changed that culture, and not always for the better. Some things really are left unsaid in my opinion...
I totally agree with you, they definitely need to stay in peoples heads!
Honestly the image got me at firstš
I also do not think everything should be aired out in the open but how do you know when enough is enough and that small thing is no longer as small and maybe you need to clear the air? I, for one, am not a vindictive person and try my best to avoid these kind of situations but I have seen people explode over the smallest thing, this was because they let it pile up.
But altogether, a good read. I did enjoy it
I'm not saying you don't address it, but there is definitely a time and place. Do it in private, not in a public setting and not online for all the world to see. Thanks for stopping by!
Now I understand you completely. There is a time and place. Very true. Thank you
It feels like with social media, people my age also tend to āair things outā online, sometimes even over the smallest stuff. Itās almost like the modern version of those Big Brother house meetings you mentioned
Yes, that is definitely the way it is.
I tend not to watch those kind of shows as I'm not interested and many people will act up in hope of getting some sort of fame. It's the same online, but I just try to be myself on Hive. I'm not expecting to get really famous and that would just be a hassle.
First off I'm not sure how the tree relates to angry perhaps the l8mbs visible and there shape could be moody perhaps menacing but a stretch to angry
.Secondly I haven't watched big brother at all
And lastly yeah I don't think till the last 10 years did I ever see so many people feeling the need to clear the air and in a group setting Mostly
Maybe it's an age think in my day if you had an issue with someone you brought it up one on one
#pimp
Yes, I am the same way. I even find myself falling into the trap when I reply all on a message to try and make my point to a single person. I've started to learn to just take a breath and then reply directly to the person.
Yes, there are definitely many instances where keeping quiet is very beneficial in today's day and age... But I think it was always that way.
People can't seem to handle that though!
Well, that will be to their own detriment...
We all need to stop being so sensitive. I grew up with two kinds of family. In my father's family, you could hammer a nail in someone's head and they would just keep going. In my mother's family, if you forget to say goodbye--oh my heavens. Not only would there be offense, but you might never hear about it. You'd just get a cold shoulder for weeks, or maybe even forever.
I'm a little more sensitive than my father's family, but I'm really working on simply not noticing things. Life is so much easier if you don't notice offense. Most insults really can't hurt us in any material way. So why bother paying attention to them?
Good blog :)
Yeah, those are some good points. My family was probably pretty similar though on the one side there seems to be a lot of pent up regret or bitterness. I'm doing my best to break that cycle!
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I can't believe I had a comment on a comment muted!
Being able to create such controversy feels powerful... I think I'm ready to run for president! š¤£
(No harm meant, dear moderators, nor offense taken. I'm just a dumb comedian.)