The Enemy Without, The Enemy Within

You do not truly know someone until you fight them
Seraph - The Matrix Reloaded

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt; if you know Heaven and know Earth, you may make your victory complete.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I addressed this in a somewhat different manner whilst I was down with covid a week ago. I was tired all the time and suffering with brain fog and the worst headache imaginable outside of a migraine. It was just an all-consuming band of constant throbbing pain that felt as though it had my eyes held captive simultaneously. Everything in my head just hurt. I knew I needed to rest... and sleep... and I did... a lot! But there were times when I wanted to scream and shout and just get on with my life, push through the headache, the lightheadedness, and the exhaustion and get back to writing, get out of my bed, out of my front door, and beyond the perimeter of my garden fence line, and back to living, and I knew I couldn't. I knew that I had to exercise patience with my body, my mind, and my spirit! In order to defeat the aggressor, I had to exercise restraint and be disciplined. I had to learn to fight myself and win.

One day, headache, fatigue and all, I just sat down and started tapping at my keyboard, allowing my thoughts to roll onto the screen, the poetic ramblings of someone who should have been tucked up in bed, someone who clearly was feeling more than a little sorry for herself! For some reason, my thoughts were poetic rather than prosaic...and no matter how much I tried to change them, they just kept coming out in a pseudo-Shakespearian-Dylan Thomas-esque style of Romanticism. Now I am not comparing myself or my ability to either of these masters, but I read these ramblings to my husband and he laughed at me, saying

you've been reading way too much Shakespeare, and dare I say Dylan Thomas!!!

So... not my own opinion, although I do love Shakespeare ...mmm...and upon a fresh reading of some of Thomas' works yesterday, I kinda got that to which he was alluding 🤣 So do I feel like a lowly rip-off?... maybe! 😂

I posted those thoughts, expounded under a covid cloud, almost as a free write, here in Blockchain poets earlier today, but I feel that they need to be part of this post too as, for me, in some way, it completes it (although you may disagree). The post can stand alone without it, but for completion sake and my own sense of balance, I will repeat the poem below:

My aching head awakens me with sardonic cheer.
Do I decry or countenance the woeful onset
of my symptomatic demeanour?

Would'st I be born of angst and dispossessed of reason? Throwing caution to the wind,
allowing external influence
to control my passage of choice?

Do I stir the embers, sustain the fire,
Rage against my predicament?
Storm the Bastille?
Or, do I allow myself the luxury
To dip under the cover of darkness
For a while,
And enjoy the retreat from the light?
For we all need time...
Don't we?
Time to reset,
Re-establish our norms.

The struggle prevails.

Give strength to fear, fuel the wrath.
Allow it to submerge my higher self to lowly pallour?
Why?
Why would this be entertained?
Would my Lord approve?

Might I avenge all that has beset me?
What good can come of haste?
What good can come of ill-informed riposte?

Oh, fierce Wonder Woman!
Be still!
Temper desire.
Fight provocation to wilful exuberance.
Be responsive,
not reactive.

Take the time to slow down.
Allow the mind to wander.
Unfettered.
Unchecked.
Let deadlines slide.
Adjust expectations.
Remove the limits.
Your life is your game,
After all...
and you make the rules.
You can break them too.
Start over.
Does anybody else really care?
Control the narrative
and ignore those who would seek to be disruptive forces within the fabric of your life.

Exercise patience with yourself over all else.
Claim peace for your soul.
Do not allow the ill trappings of frustration to overcome forbearance.
Retain the ability to endure provocation.
Let sense and sensibility prevail.

I will take comfort
in being patient with myself.
To do otherwise would be a great disservice to my soul.
My intentions remain pure.

The world turns ever slower,
revolving still,
but allowing time for personal renewal.
The shadows of the sun pass over my eyes
closed to the ever-growing brightness of day.
Hours turn to days, days to weeks,
I pause.
I wait.
I entertain patience.

The winter of my discontent,
marred by misfortune,
but not overcome.

I am absolved of irreverence.
This timely juncture of decisiveness...
and divisiveness.

I wait...
and...
as the bluebells make their late Spring appearance,
my weary countenance once again shifts to delight.

I open my eyes.

The enemy within has been conquered.

image from canva pro library