Monetary Boundaries: protecting your finances and relationships #Loh282
Second is a Budget policy, a rule in giving monetary support. Extending financial support to family members may be a given, but in these difficult times our friends may find themselves in genuine need.
What resource boundaries, conditions, or rules do you have to limit yourself?
I have so many stories that resonate to these issues of giving out monetary support to a friend, that genuinely needs it.
I was raised to give so that I will receive or never lack or be in need, but it seems this has put alot of person's in situations they ought not to be in.
There is this friend of mine I have known over 9year now, she studied nursing but has been into the business of selling women attires for some time.
She messaged me saying she was scammed by a new supplier and had already taken funds from some of her customer's which has put her in a very tight position, pressures coming from different angles.
It's obvious she needed funds to sort out those that are putting pressure on her, but I just ended up encouraging her at the moment and calling to check on her from time to time.
I have made it a point where if I lend you money, I espect you to always respond or let me know if you don't have at the moment. I believe you don't value me enough to give me that simple respect even if we are friends.
When you come to me with the impression that I have it all, you have complete right over my money and you think i don't have bills to pay, I give such person a strike.
In the case of my friend I would have given her the money but she did not request to borrow, she wanted me to gift her that money and i knew that even without her saying a word. I wish I had enough to gift her without her paying back.
There is a point you will get to in life that you will see value in almost everything you give out, it's more like creating a relationship that will yield fruit at the long run which is a good thing, especially when family responsibilities are on your throat.
So basically, i don't repeat thesame mistakes of lending out money to someone that refuses to pay back, neither do I give to someone I just met for the first few weeks , such a person I rather gift the little I know I can give out.
I always makes sure I don't withhold myself from giving financial aid to my friends if they are hungry, or stranded in a difficult situation, I withdraw from helping when I discover it's a continuous habit and you are not trying to do anything meaningful that will give you even a little bit of financial independence.
Thank you for stopping by
Oh dear, I wouldn't mind buying my friend a few days worth of groceries to get by but funding a friend's business? It sounds like a lot of cash, the kind that requires it in writing. I admire your faith in your friend but money has a property of ruining friendships and marriages revealing a person's real priorities and expectations.
You gift because your investment is in her friendship, not her business, and is admirable of a true friend.
Thanks for sharing this experience @tehilah 🤗
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Thank you so much for seeing this in a good light. Money is printed in papers but can definitely speak loud.
I just read our post and just noticed you are a Pharmacist ... so am I ... just from halfway around the world.
Anyways...
I have learned personally that I don't like being seen as an ATM. If someone uses me as a convenient money source that would be... no.
I also follow the rule that I would do to others what I would expect they do in return. If I have no food I would genuinely appreciate someone who helped me with food. In the same way I would help provide where I can.
But I also follow the airport rule. In case cabin pressure falls a mask will drop from the ceiling. Put the mask on yourself before you help others. The idea is simple. Make yourself secure then help others. If you don't then you may both end up in trouble. In the same way I will give where I can but there are times I simply can not.
Regarding lending money to others? My thought is: If I wouldn't give them the money I won't loan them the money. Personal loans have a habit of never being repair. If I expect repayment then I'll often be disappointed and lose a friend. If I loaned with no expectation of return? If they pay I'm happy, if they don't I get what I expected :)
If family want a loan? I write up a contract and I have witnesses. I spell out interest, payment schedule and so on. I prefer to give as a gift but if they call it a loan and its enough money to make it a true loan? I want everyone to know and have it in writing. I'd rather everything be up front and written so there are zero misunderstandings in the family....even if it looks bad with the paperwork... than have family fights down the road :)
Thanks for posting. Enjoyed the article :)
Woww it's so lovely meeting another pharmacist here. How's the practice over there?
Ok, back to the topic of discussion, I love how you stated each and everything plain and simple, I can't be of help to someone while my pocket is going downhill.
I think I will learn from you on how to draft contracts when it comes to lending money to family members, it's such a mess because I can't ask back for it.
Well, I'm trying to retire from being a pharmacist because after 31 years on the job my fingers react badly to the labels I need to put on every prescription. After a day on the job my fingers split and bleed so I'm only working very limited hours now. How is the practice over there? Very different than when I started but if you are curious ask questions and I'd be happy to write a post about it for you.
As for drafting a contract for lending money to family? It is not always a fully "legal" contract in a formal sense. But I write it up in plain English. As an example: I lent my sister $40,000 CAD (about 40 Million Naira) so she could purchase a home. That was a considerable amount of money for me and certainly not an amount I was comfortable just giving away.
I sat down with my sister, my mom and my niece and we wrote everything out so it wasn't ambiguous.
I (name) am loaning $40,000 dollars to my sister (name)
This is a loan not a gift and payment is expected monthly.
Interest will be 0.41% monthly (roughly 5% annually) and will be charged each month on the last day of the month on the outstanding balance.
Monthly payments can be any amount greater than the interest payment. In the first month that amount will be $166.67
Receipts will be given for every payment and a statement will be given every month on the final day of the month.
Signed me (name)
Signed sister (name)
Signed mother (name)
Signed niece (name)
... It is certainly not a document written by lawyers. However, it is clear on all points. It is open to the whole family and agreed upon by the whole family. No-one can say later that "oh, I thought you were giving it to me" ... or "why are you charging me so much interest"... or any other nonsense.
Notice that I didn't put any penalties or force any repayment. If my sister truly could not pay then yes I would be out the money and it would hurt. However, if she didn't pay it would be to her dishonor in front of both her mother and her daughter PLUS it would give me good reason not to lend her money again.
I'm proud to say that my sister did pay, that lending her the money helped her family immensely and that things worked out well.
Maybe I'm just a mean brother but I strongly believe that clear expectations up front make things clear in the future.
Then again, I'm Canadian and we do things just a little bit differently :D
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