Just A Chill Girl

To be laid back or to be an over thinker. I’ve never thought myself to be much of the latter. I keep telling myself each time that I attempt to over think, that it is needless torture and I can do much better than stressing over things that I cannot handle. I am so particular about not letting things disturb me that I could find myself visibly shake my head. It’s a way of saying, “Don’t think about it and it will go away.”

But I wasn’t always like that. I remember when I was nine years old and my crush made a habit out of giving me things. He’d give me his pen and ask me to keep it. He then gave me a story book that I figured was very expensive back then and asked me to keep it. Then he gave me a set of colouring pens and asked me to keep it. And I thought and thought to myself. I thought hard and covered all possible reasons why.

I started off happy. Thinking that he probably liked me back, then I thought all the way to the possibility that he may have seen me as a charity case. At the time, my family was more or the middle-upper class family. But his was quite well to do. The rich-rich kind.

And so I reasoned that he probably thought he was helping me out and that I was poor and deserving of his pity. And so the next Monday in school, I there the flower-patterned handkerchief he gave me on his face, and shouted, “I’m not poor, and I don’t need any of your stupid gifts.”

Again, we were nine at the time, so of course he cried. And everyone thought I was an evil person. And I cried all the way back home because I occurred to me that I had seriously overreacted.

I’m guessing my point to this is that a lot of us grossly misinterpret what overthinking is. Everyone is so quick to diagnose themselves with one thing or the other. They’re overthinkers, they’re depressed. They have detachment issues. While I’m not doubting that they may actually have these issues, it is possible that we do not realize the extent or depth to the things we diagnose ourselves with, before diagnosing ourselves.

Not an expert in overthinking but it comes with a lot of unease. Unease that would most times lead to impulsive actions that we may not have done if we didn’t think too deep in it. I realized growing up that I didn’t just let things slide. I would think and think till I fell ill.

I would think till I lost all sight and rational thought of what even brought me there in the first place. My mind would develop a personality of its own and it would become a classic case of, e don take me where I no know. Which is the Nigerian pidgin way of saying you’ve lost sight of all rational thought and basically where you stand.

Then all of a sudden, things changed and I became a chill girl. And this was an important transition in my life because I know how challenging and terrible that phase of my life was. So, when all of a sudden at the age of about 17, I think, I was able to dismiss things. Take them in stride. Almost too much. Not worrying too deeply over issues and making them crowd my mind.

I’m now a very chill girl. And it wasn't easy at all getting here. But we did it! Hehe. I’m sorry this is all sounding a bit rushed and I cuuld have said more, but I'm currently in a very tight place, yet I said I wouldn’t let today pass without sharing my story concerning this very beautiful prompt by the Hive Naija Community. Have a most beautiful weekend, everyone.

Jhymi🖤

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