It Didn't Go Well

5 days ago

Maybe we need to agree and accept that embarrassment could be a part of life. Barely anyone would say they weren't victims of any embarrassment. Be it major, public level of embarrassment or minor, more reserved kind of embarrassment. We face this as a life experience. The funny thing is that we can hardly forget such moments. How can we even, when they leave us with this awful feeling and sometimes regret?

No one would naturally choose embarrassment. Of course, because it doesn't leave a good experience and leaves shame in most cases. I must also say that sometimes, we are the orchestrators of such moments in our lives. Other times, it can be said to be out of our hands; something we didn't directly plunge ourselves into but we're left with the negative feeling and aftermath. This is sometimes owing to the people close to us.

This embarrassing moment I wish to share is what I consider the work of others alongside myself. It was a push from others that led to it, but I had let myself also lean into it. This was back then in high school. I still remember this day as if it were some days back. You don't forget moments like that. Thankfully, I just laugh at it now. Sometimes, this is the other feeling or reaction that could come from such moments.

So, I was in my penultimate year in high school. It was announced that a contest would take place to crown the “face” of my school. My class level and the immediate class below were the eligible classes to have contestants from. This wasn't something that aligned with my interests. I care less about such things. Well, I cared less, but my classmates cared more about it－for me, not for themselves. I met the basic physical and academic criteria, and maybe they wanted me to be the face.

At first, I didn't give in to registering for this contest, even after all the persuasions from my classmates. It looked like I wasn't doing this. But on the registration deadline day, the teacher in charge went round classes during night preps, making sure any intending student takes this last opportunity. My classmates then did more than persuasion, but made a strong suggestion to the teacher who had to add his voice to make me register. Well, I did. We later went for a screening which I hoped would get me disqualified. But no, I passed.

Finally, it was the day of the event. I was prepared with my answers to the anticipated questions, my outfits were well in place, a song to sing in case, and everything was okay. Except for the moves I didn't know I would have to display. As you might expect, everything went well until the part where they asked us to dance. That didn't particularly go well. I had some moves here and there, but obviously, it wasn't good enough. That was used to make fun of me, even by the people who persuaded me to join. You can imagine.

Thankfully, someone had worse moves than mine, so he took more of the embarrassment. Haha. That event left me with a lesson－to never do something I'm not comfortable with even if/when everyone desires me to, or sees me as viable. I'd do my research and consider if it was something I'm willing to do.

PS. I have some good legwork now, you know. Chuckles.

Images are mine.