Flat Earth Cookbook by Lasse Ehlers
Hello Hive! It's me @lasseehlers. @holovision isn't available right now. I think he and themarkymark are planning a Gotham City hologram-themed caper or something.
Anyway, since the BALLHEADS nuked my account's reputation, @Holovision, kind as he is generous, is letting me guest blog for April 1st so I can tell you all about the flat Earth cookbook I just self-published with my mimeograph and am currently selling from my Pizza Hut delivery car (when not on the job making edible flat Earth maps for Pizza Hut, of course).
Image Source: Stable Diffusion
Finally, a cookbook that adheres to the true shape of the world and doesn't have those pesky nutrients that would keep your brain cells active and healthy. Why waste time with round food when you can embrace the flat philosophy in your kitchen? Inspired by the works of Samuel Birley Rowbotham and the noble tradition of Zetetic inquiry, this book is a must-have for every discerning chef who knows that gravity is a hoax and the only thing round about the Earth is the globalist conspiracy!
🥞 Samuel Birley Rowbotham’s Zetetic Pancakes – Perfectly level, non-globular, and scientifically delicious. These pancakes defy gravity (because gravity doesn’t exist) and can even be used to demonstrate how perspective works in real life!
🍕 Firmament Flatbread Pizza – A thin crust pizza so flat, it’ll have you questioning NASA’s lies with every bite! Made with 100% real ingredients (unlike photos of the Earth from space).
🍳 Horizontally Consistent Fried Eggs – Learn the art of cracking eggs without letting them roll off the pan. Includes a special section on why yolks are yellow and not blue, like the so-called “ocean” in those fake CGI satellite images.
🎂 The Ice Wall Layer Cake – A multi-layered cake designed to resemble the Great Antarctic Ice Wall. Warning: Do NOT attempt to sail past the edges of this cake.
🥄 Gravity-Free Soufflé Techniques – Tired of your soufflés rising like some kind of heliocentric propaganda? Discover ten foolproof ways to keep your soufflé flat and level, just like the Earth.
🍪 Eratosthenes Was a Liar Biscuits – Simple, delicious, and perfectly baked to disprove ancient Greek nonsense about shadows and spheres.
🥤 The Anti-Coriolis Smoothie – Specially blended to remain motionless in your cup, this smoothie proves that toilets don’t swirl the same way in different hemispheres because there are no hemispheres.
🔹 “How to Make a Compass Out of a Pizza Slice”
🔹 “Why Microwave Ovens Prove the Sun is Local”
🔹 “The 33 Best Uses for an Old Globe (Hint: Doorstop, Paperweight, or Kindling!)”
And much, much more!
For only 15 fiat dollars (or 1.23 trillion LasseCash tokens), you can own a piece of history—and maybe even use it as proof when you debate sheeple at your local diner. Order now before the Freemasons shut me down!!!