Hello, my dear Hive friends!

It's been a while. I've been dealing with some things here, and aside from that, I've been living inside my head a lot.
It's all connected.
I've had more downs than ups these past few months, and I've had Hive open and ready to write something many times but just never knew what to say. No writer's block, just nothing coming out that makes sense. If that makes sense...

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Ever since I lost all of my crypto in a hack in August, it's been hard to get out of the slump I've been in.
I'm trying not to think of that too much because it's no use going over that part over and over again.
I've been job hunting like a mad-woman, with nothing to show for, really. For the longest time.
I worked one full week (more than 50 hours) for a company that was already paying me much less than the minimum, and in the end, they ended up paying me nothing.

I must have sent out more than 150 applications with only 2 that came back to me, and in the end, nothing came out of it. Aside from that, I've been bidding on pretty much every Freelance job on Freelancer websites like Upwork with little to no result.

Then finally, a few weeks ago, I got a request to apply for a job translating German YouTube videos into Dutch and then recording my voice for the Dutch version of the videos.
So I'm basically doing the Dutch voice-over.
I did a small test for them, which they liked, and then 2 more (paid) test videos. I would have to wait till after the holidays because they had their annual company holiday but then last Tuesday, I finally got the news that I was hired, and could start right away.
A little ray of sunshine!
It's not quite enough but it's a good start, and who knows where it can lead with this new experience?

I've also been working on my own YouTube channel. My youngest son has been wrecking my head about starting one, and I figured, this time is as good as any.
So I started a family channel, and we'll be sharing things about our life in Mexico, as well as a little bit of the project I have been working on in the past few months. Well, if you can call it a project. I guess for me it is.

I also want to post more videos here via 3Speak as well, of course. I haven't completely run over to the 'dark side'. But everything helps, so the more social media presence, the better to be honest.

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How we've been dealing these past few months

Yeah, that's a good one. We haven't. I've been feeling really crappy about everything these last few months. I have sleepless nights and in the mornings, I felt like just not getting up at all. We're living in a house that's way too expensive and have no means to move anywhere else at the moment.
Moving costs money and it's not possible right now. So with eviction being a constant threat for months now, it's all gotten the best of me.

I actually knew this kind of feeling quite well, as I've felt it before right after my daughter was born. It wasn't a post-natal depression though, something my doctor tried to stick on me, but a full-blown 'normal' depression, for many reasons. Mostly because I was all alone with my girl, when that had never been the plan. In retrospect, it had been a good thing. I just didn't see it back then. Then I felt similarly again back in Ireland, especially the last two years when I really didn't want to be there anymore. I knew this time around how to recognise the signs and I knew I needed to snap out of it ASAP. So I slowly picked myself up and the pieces I've let myself fall into. Gluing it all back together.

There have been numerous times when I wanted to throw the towel in the ring, and just give up. My kids were the only thing that keeps me going at times.
And it's weird because, at the same time, I feel immensely blessed for just being here in Mexico. I have zero regrets about leaving Ireland and coming here, although life would have been easier if we'd stayed.
Financially anyway.

In fact, we're almost in the same exact situation as we were in Ireland when we first got there back in 2011.
No money to pay the rent, and barely any food in the house.
So I keep reminding myself of that, and that the situation back then changed for the better too.
If I could do it then, I can do it again.
It can be quite humbling too since we'd look at how some of the locals here live and find ourselves in a similar situation now but in an expensive house instead of a shack...
No, I wouldn't trade places with them but there are moments when we're not very far from where they are, and it's scary and humbling at the same time.

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The situation as it is has also shown me who my friends are here. It's something that shows really quickly in these situations. And I'm not just talking about financial help or anything but support and friendship when you need it the most.
There are a few who helped me in ways I can't even begin to explain. Without them, we'd be on the street right now.
And there are others who seemed to have turned their backs on me, maybe not on purpose because everyone has their own issues. It just feels that way sometimes.

And then there was another case where I trusted the wrong person, who offered me work and then ended up making things worse. Not just because I and others didn't get paid but because I hired those others and now feel responsible.
Another few weeks wasted for nothing.

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It's not all bad

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OK, I will stop complaining about my situation because I can feel that good things are just around the corner.
As I said, I feel blessed to be where we are every day.
We live in paradise!
I am grateful, however hard it's been, for every day that I wake up and see the sun shining down on us, and the birds singing their happy song. Even the birds seem happier here.

I am grateful that my kids are healthy, and even though they are living with very little right now, they complain very little too. My teen daughter can give me digs sometimes that make me feel less than proud of myself but most of the time, they understand. And they know it won't last forever.

I'm grateful for all the amazing people I've met here.
It truly seems like we all came together here for a very good reason. And these reasons are starting to show now.
There are many amazingly loving and kind, decent human beings here, and wow, it's just so refreshing.

I miss my eldest daughter and her boyfriend more than I can express but I am grateful that they found their feet and are independent in Ireland now.
They found a little place to live, are working, and in March, they are coming for a visit and to bring their dog home.
I can't wait to see them!
My sister is also tagging along with them, so it's a little family reunion to look forward to.

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I am grateful for all of you, who stuck with me throughout the years, and who would listen to my stories, whether it was good or bad. Without you, I don't think I would have made it through some of the crap we've gone through.

I'm grateful for the new year, with new year's promises to be fulfilled. Promises of great times that are just around the corner for us.

I'm grateful for making the choice to come here, and not to stay in Ireland, however hard and tough life may be.
I've made the right choice.

I'm grateful that we're alive and well, and for every little bird that sings in the mornings, and the amazing friends we've made here in this past year. It's a strange feeling to say that this past year was our best one yet, and our worst at the same time.
But the good overpowers the bad by 100-fold.

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After the rain, there's always the sun. It's kind of a little saying we have in the Netherlands and it's true.
So also this time. I got some good news on a few levels. I've got a job that I'm really excited about but needs time to develop, and there was some other news in regards to my immigration status here.
But it will have to wait for another post. I think it's turning into a book otherwise.
Anyway, it's all good.

Glad to be back.