RE: Why the frack am I so positive?

I think you are right to keep things as light and positive as possible, to keep smiling for your wife, looking forward and doing the best.

I also fear that too much fake it till you make it leads to suppressed anger that can build pressure until it finally explodes.

There has to be an outlet.

It would be ok to take 15-20 minutes out of the day, and be a real jerk. Do some journaling and let out everything that makes you angry. Cry, punch pillows, criticize, be mad, curse etc etc etc.

It is ok to recognize that things, suck right now, but that you are positively happy that they are not always going to suck.

I send you lots of love and light, and a little bit of aaaaaaaaaaaaah.