Don't ignore the warning signs - Week 214

[EN]

If I could give advice to someone in an abusive relationship, it would be to not ignore the signs and to seek help as soon as possible. It may seem very obvious, and I say this from personal experience, because I've been in a similar situation and I know how difficult it is to see the reality when you're in the middle of it.

After my grandmother's death, the hardest moment of my life, I found myself emotionally and financially vulnerable. My ex-boyfriend at the time took advantage of this vulnerability and became absurdly abusive after I left university. We were living together at the time and he did not support my return to university, did not want me to get my driving licence and forced me to work with his mother in a beauty salon, earning a pittance. I was also responsible for all the household chores and had to cook for him EVERY DAY. My social life was limited to him and his friends. I felt isolated, unsupported and trapped.

The first step is to recognise the signs of abuse. Often abuse is not only physical, but also emotional, psychological and financial. My ex-boyfriend controlled every aspect of my life, from my finances to my friendships. He made me feel that I could not move forward without him, destroying my self-esteem and confidence. Identifying these forms of abuse is the first step to understanding that you deserve better.

The next step is to talk to someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member or even a professional. Isolation is a common tactic in abusive relationships. It was very difficult for me to open up to someone and talk about what was happening in my life, but finding someone to listen and offer support was essential and gave me the strength I needed to start planning my exit.

Make an escape plan. Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous, so it is important to plan carefully. Find a safe place to go and, if possible, gather important documents, money and other essentials before you leave.

Finally, do not be afraid to start again. When I finally managed to leave that relationship, I had to rebuild my life from the ground up. I left everything behind. My house, my furniture. Everything I had bought with my own money. But after that I managed to bounce back. I went back to college, got my driving licence. I furnished another house. Although the process was arduous and full of challenges, it was also incredibly liberating, and I saw in every small victory the strength I had within.