We Ride
Hey, look at this!
The Good Lady waggled her phone at me as if it were a beagle with big ears and we were playing at Shake the Beagle till it BURPS!™
I looked somewhat disdainfully at her phone. I couldn't help it. At some point, like 102% of wives, she had dropped it and cracked the screen. Despite my pleading, she had never gotten it fixed and looking at things on her screen was like looking through a broken shed window at an old and sad shoe.
Oh aye, something about kids learning to ride a bike. Very good.
I turned my attention snootily back to glueing my little toenail back together as it had decided over the last two months that it wanted to identify as a double nail and was attempting to split itself right down the middle.
I was refusing to play along with such a charade. Hence the glue.
It's great isn't it? A total bargain at £60. Shall I book the little guy in for it?
The Good Lady clucked at the idea of spunking money we couldn't afford up a wall.
It's fucking how much? Sixty bucks? To teach a kid to ride a bike? For fuck sake, that's robbery?!
I sputtered indignantly as if a mermaid was offering me a foot job for a fiver. But it would be so quick, it says it is a two-afternoon course and at the end of it he will be riding a bike like a pro! The Good Lady had that determined look about her, the one she got when she was eating sardines on toast. Fucking hell, woman. I will teach him to ride a bike and it will cost us nothing! I mean, haven't I taught all our children how to ride? I mimed riding a bike which is pretty much the same as miming a Frenchman getting comfy on a wooden stool. You have only taught one, your daughter. For some reason, it hasn't clicked with the Little Boom. She looked at me sternly, her lips thin like budget spaghetti. I brushed her stern look off, after all, I fucking loved spaghetti regardless of its thickness. I looked outside and saw that there was a momentary dry spell in between the weeks of rain we had been having. I will take him out just now. Half an hour and he will be riding it like one of those crazy Deliveroo fuckers on the bikes with tyres like New York Bagels. I nodded confidently. I wasn't about to pay some fucking bearded twit sixty bucks to teach my son how to ride. I mean where would those kinds of shenanigans end? Cheerily, I called upstairs for the Little Boom. It was time for that boy to learn. Some twenty minutes later I wiped the rain from my glasses and caught the Little Boom again as he fell off his bike with all the grace of a sausage rolling off a TV cabinet. Dude, just pedal and try to stay up! I let him go once more and promptly had to catch him again as he displayed all the agility of a sack of washing. Daddy, can we go in now? The rain is getting really heavy? The Little Boom pleaded wetly. Sighing, I nodded. The last twenty minutes had been hell on earth. The little guy just had no balance. Whatsoever. As soon as he sat on the bike it fell over. It had more chance of staying upright when he wasn't on it. Then it had started pouring down. I was defeated. As we headed back to the front door of the house, the Good Lady threw it open and welcomed us in with a victorious smile. I acknowledged her with a nod and hissed low in her direction. Take your damned sixty pounds woman. I will have nothing to do with this devilry.
it's a scam you see, they don't have feet
Then, she is lucky as the screen didn't go all purple like ink :)
Its just chipped and weird like a funhouse mirror! 😀
I wonder what magic they can work for the money. My kids managed to learn to ride. It is tricky to teach as balance is an instinctive thing. That and learning to swim are big milestones. Learning to drive is a different and scarier step!
There are different levels of cycle skill.
I actually cracked my phone screen yesterday when I dropped it. At least the phone is a few years old and it's a long time since I broke one. It's not too bad for now and I don't really want to buy a new one yet.
Some of the screen repairs are actually quite reasonable now. They used to be hideously expensive.
It really is instinctive, Ithought it would be easy like it was with my daughter. She could balance straight away almost. Practically taught herself. The little guy just falls over and dont get me started about him swimming, lol
Ha!, yes @bingbabe's phone is cracked. We are holding £700 pieces of technology and the number of crunches I hear when I go out is ridiculous (from people around me). I take mine in all these dodgy places and have yet to drop it.
It took me all of 5 minutes to get @dismayedworld to ride. Put a massive heavyweight towel around ur little un's chest and let him ride while you jog behind. That did the job, was literally minutes and she could ride.
Learning to ride a bike is one of those things I can remember clearly, like where it was specifically. A big moment for a kid.
That's a good idea. So you kind of hold them upright, I am going to try that. Its not too late as the riding lessons arent open for booking yet. That might save me!
I cant stand broken screens. I have never cracked one, it would break my heart and it would do my nut in seeing it all the time!
It was something similar to this, a bedsheet.. and I also got it from YouTube years ago,
Ha, thats a cool video, from the days where something simple to be explained could be done in a minute or two instead of it being stretched out to 5 or 10 minute to satisfy the monetisation algorithm!
I am gonna try that as soon as it is dry again. Which incredibly doesn't look like its happening till next Tuesday. Our weather is mental right now. Just constant rain
Hahaha... Learning to ride a bike like a Pro in two days is not feasible, I agree with the Old Lady, that's a total rip-off.
He might have more chance in two days with some random than with me, I cant get him to balance whatsoever!! 😀
You are right..... 😄
I hope not but fear I am!
Aren't you always right?
Becca 🌷
mostly! 😀
Men! All the same...although some are better than others. I think you're one of the latter.
Becca 🌷
I'm printing that out and getting it made into a badge, hehe!
60 to teach kids how to ride a bike? That's a modern day robbery if I ever see one. I bet they just have balance bikes. You can try training wheels. Let them ride the bike and slowly increase the distance of the training wheels from the ground. They'll be riding bikes without them quickly enough.
We had training wheels he just leaned on them hugely and when I adjusted them too far he fell off. I swear, I have seen potatoes with more dexterity. I love the wee guy but man, I hope his agility improves!
Oof. How old is the lad? Might still be too young? Maybe lower the training wheels a bit again. This time, make him pedal a few to get it moving, and then just try to focus on balancing the bike.
He is six now. We tried many things with the training wheels they just didn't work. We will get there though, eventually!
I see. That should be a good enough age. If you're still going to try and teach him, good luck. But at least you now have a backup with that 'workshop'.
It's important to always have a back up plan!!
🤣 A sausage falling off a TV cabinet really got to me there. So many questions here. Do many sausages fall off your TV cabinet so it swiftly comes to mind when doing a post?haha Also I know how the wife feels about sardines. I lived in Spain for a while and came home a cultured swine making myself eat sardines so people would think more highly of me. It was a terrible time in my life. It all ended after ordering whitebait for a main and I broke down crying saying I can't do this charade anymore. ? 🤣 Fuck Sardines.
Hahahah, I was with the missus one time in a fancy Italian's and she ordered some sardine nonsense as a starter and it came out. Two big sardines with their heads on on some toast. She freeaked out and looked like a proper fanny when she was exclaiming to the waiter that she couldn't eat them. He was pure baffled because that's what she ordered.
One of my kids put his links sandwich on the TV cabinet the other day, the greasy links gently rolled out and off the thing on to the floor. Brown sauce and smeg everywhere. I wasn't happy! 😀😀😀
That's even funnier that it actually happened . Hahah. You were mad for a few seconds but they a lightbulb went off in your head. FETCH THE LAPTOP CHILD!! How do people eat fish heads. I was out with an African lad from work one night and he ate the prawn heads. The whole thing like. Hard shell and all. I nearly got sick. From Ghana. He was reared up on prawn heads. Seriously like. It was decided in the pub that week when I spoke to a couple of real friends that we would rather eat a rat than a prawn head.
Ugh, how the fuck can anyone do that? The head is the worst bit. I was preparing some once and it quirteed some brain juice on me and I nearly vomited into my lovely Thai dish!
Goid that's given me the heebies. Now all I can think about is munching down on some prawn heads! 😀😀😀
One of my Scottish friends was onto me about this sausage kind of roast that you make up there. It comes like a block of ham you get in deli type thing. It was a strange beast but would love to try it .
Is that square sausage? We call it Lorne Sausage so you get slices of it instead of fat penis-esque things. Fecking lovely. My mates daughter is called Lauren and I constantly send him pictures of me holding up a pack of square sausage in the supermarket and saying, Hey, I think I just saw your Lorne... Ah, its the simple things :OD
🤣🤣🤣 yeah that's the one ..never heard of it until last week. I love a sausage meself. Whether it's knob shaped or square. For real sausage lovers , gay comebacks are water off a ducks back.
They are indeed. I am sausage daft 🤣🤣
A quality breakfast is nothing without a lovely bit of sausage. Have you tried the M&S posh dogs? I got them for a BBQ pasty year and have been hooked ever since!
Oh I must try that . There's an M&S in my place so Il pop down today . Theres a famous sausage in Ireland called the Superquinn sausage which is a supermarket that closed down a long time ago.the crowd that took over the brand kept the sausages so everyone still knows them as the Superquinn sausage even though they are now called Supervalue sausages. But the sausage connoisseur is in the know.
They're well worth it. Massive big tasty fuckers!
Hehe, its funny how there are always the good sausages that are in the know. I am hankering for one noo!
Hey mister...
Now listen here...ahh, ok...you're right it happens. I don't know why, we're just good at dropping phones I guess. 🙃
I hope you are going well, it's been a while since I've come by to say hello so I thought today is as good a day as any. (An enjoyable read as always, you must walk around life, satisfied with your writing, like a...like a..."beagle with big ears"
Becca 🌷
Aloha!! It has been a while. I have been caught up in all the busyness of life and working and all that snash!
I thought it was funny the other day when the Good Lady had some friends round and their phones were all on the table in various states of smashed screen-ness :OD
I think the day when my writing doesn't make me feel like a "beagle with big ears" is the day I will quit :O)
You and your big eared beagly writing...May it never cease.
Just so you know, I haven't broken my phone screen yet meesterspartypants...although I often find myself on the wrong end of, why is your phone balanced precariously on the edge of the bath while you have a bubble bath?
He then breaks into a long list of what will happen if my phone falls in the bath, none of which are very pleasant, and I promptly move my phone...until next time.
Becca 🌷
Haha, thats what I get from being presumptuous! I give exactly the same lectures. You know if you leave your phone there... kind of ones. Heh heh, the joys of being an annoying man!
Its all meant in the best possible way of course, even if there is a certain joy in the delivery :OD
lol this story reminds me of my brother who had a hard time learning to ride. He got a new bike when he was old enough but nothing could be done to get him to ride it. When all the neighborhood kids would go out to ride he would just push his bike along instead of riding lol, but he would stay up with the pack! The sheet trick may have worked had we known about it. The Little Boom will get it, never fear :D
I am sure he will. I just couldn't believe the difference between the two of them. He is super agile and coordinated in all other things just about. It was surprising he didn't just start doing wheelies!
The sheet trick is getting tried! He will ride!
In the blink of an eye or so it seems, he will be giving you a run for your money. These are times you both will remember and he will be so proud when he finally masters it, and so will you. Good luck to you both!
Hehe, I am kind of hoping that in the blink of an eye he will have the hood up on the car telling me that it is only the exasperinator that needs adjusting and that he has fixed it for me :OD
LOL One can only hope!! hehee..exasperinator 😆
I have grand plans for being saved by my children :OD
🤣🤣🤣 never bargain with a woman... you should have gotten to know that already😂😂😂 . Thankfully, she allowed you to get wet and get frustrated as well. The Good Lady is a sweetheart with that victorious smile of hers.
Right back at ya! You paid up😂😂😂
The money hasnt been taken yet. I am thinking there must be some more perseverance before parting with such cash!
No doubt in the end like always she will be right tho! :OD
🤣🤣🤣 ... yet! I like that word...
Lol... you know well better than anyone hehe
I hope to know! Sometimes I just blunder around in the dark :O)
Haha...sweet. Drama keeps the home homey😂
Hahaha!!! Cheap is expensive. I can imagine the amount of emotion that was going through you as you saw the bike fall off at each attempt.
There was a lot of emotion! I know he will get it eventually, Iam just impatient 😀
Haha man, cycling is not easy. In fact, I'd say it's very difficult. But everything is easier when you learn as a child. That's why 60 pounds will be used for something useful. It's definitely a useful hobby.
Its a great hobby, I am hoping we can all scoot about on our bikes in a year or so when it is sunny. Then again, it isn't often sunny!
Wait! A two afternoon course and he will be riding like a pro? I sense some magic here😂
I hope the good lady did not hear you hissed because I am wondering what she will come up with if she does
For sixty quid I would be exepecting some magic! Some pizazz to make it worth it! lol
I can sale my leg to see the expression on the good ladies face as she watched you walk in defeated.
She does take a certain satisfaction in pricing me wrong! :OD
Little Boom, is going to learn how to ride a bicycle in no time. This battle has clearly not ended, an “I told you so “ is on the way.
It would be very nice indeed if an "I told you so" was forthcoming. One can but hope! 😀
We’ve realized that sometimes other people are able to teach the kids better than we can, and it pisses me off heavily. I haven’t gotten to the bike piece yet but that’s mostly because we don’t have any space to store the damn thing but hopefully going to get that taken care of soon! I at least taught the little worm how to swim initially. What is it with the wives and looking for other people to teach our kids stuff?! Load of shit if you ask me! Let them learn it wrong from me damn it woman!
Its fecking bizarre, I couldnt believe that I taught our daughter no bother at the same age and thought it would just be a rinse and repeat but oh no. Some other person is going to have to take the credit! I will give it a few more tries though. The moenty ain't gone yet :o)
Teaching them to swim is quite the achievement, I had to pay for lessons for that too!
Demand a refund if they can't turn the Little Boom into a pro BMX rider in 48 hours. Set boundaries and hold to some decent standards! If they can't deliver and do not pay you back, you know what to do.
That is exactly what I will do, There is no way I would pay and not get the results.
If they refuse then of course I will unleash the hounds of hell!! :OD
Clan warfare time. Unsheathe your claymore and slay the impertinent whelp who failed to teach the noble heir to your house!
I can see much slaying in my future! And theirs! :OD
Hehe
Women are the worst people to bargain with😂😂😂 and how would you learn how to ride a bike in two days😂😂
They must have some secret magic. Maybe they are bike whisperers or something and they can command bikes not to fall over, lol!
Hearing of the lack of balance ability, I'd want a written guarantee for the $60 course that says if he can't ride in the end, then they will do it again and again at no extra charge till he rides like a pro.
Teaching bike riding in the rain though.... I guess if you rarely have a sunny day, that could be excused.
Good Luck.... !
I think there is actually a bit that says if he hasn't mastered it they will enroll him on the next one. I haven't given up quite yet tho. I am gonna try wrapping a sheet or a towel round him and see if I can save us cash!!
Maybe he's just not ready yet ! When I was growing up, we wanted to ride because the older children were riding and we just kept trying till we got it. There were some training wheels that some folks could hook on the back wheel of the bike that kept it from tipping over, to use for a while till some children got a better feel for it. Don't know if anything like that exists anymore.
I am actually thinking that maybe he isn't. He might just need another year or so or even a few more months pottering around on it without cycling. I will reassess as the weather gets better. I dont want to stress him out about it!
My favorite line "Dude, just pedal and try to stay up!" I wasn't aware that "dude" was a slang word used much in the UK. We use it all the time here in the States haha. Also, are training wheels a thing there? We always started with those first before learning to actually ride, I remember that well. Simpler times being a kid haha.
Oh yeah, we have stolen dude. I call everyone it! We have training wheels but they were a tragedy as he even managed to fall off his bike when it had them!
haha nice! Glad you stole dude it's a great word haha. Ahh okay, well hopefully the 60 pound class works!
Dude is awesome. It's quite harmless too and people can't get offended by it!
Fingers crossed I can teach him before it but it will be a good fall back!
Quite harmless indeed. You can do it!!
I have the faith!!
hahaha, you got this!
My wife and I have now given up, recently we fixed the screen of her cell phone and she was able to shatter it again after two days.
We spend more money on cell phone screens than on pizza for me.... and this is very serious!
Haha, it's a screen shattering epidemic!! I see so many these days. My wife got a new phone after having lived with her old shattered screenb one for ages and literally a few weeks later dropped it and it was broken. Nightmare!!
I think the word nightmare is exactly the right one!
At times it's like living in one!! 🤣🤣
Really!
!PGM
😀
Among all the crazy and funny things you write, this line stands out. Maybe it's because today a hint of melancholy surrounds me. But I have laughed a lot and give the boy a chance, not on a rainy day. Poor little soaked bird.
(Always grateful for making me have such good times here!)
I love a little melancholy in my similes/metaphors!!
A sad shoe indeed, hehe.
I will give him a chance. One more then it's off to be trained 🤣🤣
😁
I will actively think about him making it.
In that case he h is almost guaranteed to triumph!! 😀😀
I love the melancholy of your metaphors when you write, I'm sorry that the little bird got soaked with so much water, the good thing is that he always has free alberdrio to be the same.
I imagine the orejon listening to everything. Thanks as always Mr @meesterboom
It's not for this why people believe and say Scottish are a bunch of Cheapskates who are too tight, stingy and thrifty in their first reaction? ¿Huh? ;o)
They do indeed say that! You can't get away from good old fashioned stereotyping 😀😀
Then don't worry. I bet little boom will escape that stereotyping in no time if he learn to ride his bike in the right conditions. ;o)
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/tpPMvV3WUc0
He shall grow in a world free of stereotypes! At least for as long as possible 😀
Of course. That's exactly what decentralization is for.
Decentralisation, the myth behind the machine!
Sounds like £60 well spent. The rain probably didn't help.
Your nail situation sounds precarious. This is the first I've heard of gluing one together
It's weird and has happened a couple of times before. It's like a third of the nail just splits them the smaller part keeps catching on socks and stuff and tearing into the quick. Wee bit of glue stops that and gives it time to get back on track. Lol.
I think if we can't get him riding before the course starts then it will be, at least it will be done!!
I have only ever smashed a phone screen once and that was because I dropped it on a railway track.
As for Little Boom has he tried just running on the ground and lifting his feet off to coast? That arms to help the ones that have zero coordination learn both the coordination and the balance and he can then tackle the pedals when he feels like it.
That method got my daughter riding a bike in under an hour (she does have coordination and balance) and my elder son riding in a few ((less coordinated at the time). I don’t know how youngest went as his best friend at the time taught him how to ride one of their bikes as we didn’t have any youngest sized ones at the time and he had never wanted one till after he learned.
How did the riding lessons go? 🤣
We took the pedals off so he could do that but literally as soon as he lifts both feet of the ground he falls over. It's quite spectacular really.
I have been singularly amazed by the lack of balance on display when on a bike.
We are going to keep trying and have the course as a back up. We only had to pay a fiver to secure a place and it's not until mid may. All I need is some dry time!
Hehe, phone smasher. I know your ilk 😜
😂😂😂😂😂
Guess 60 bucks doesn’t look so bad now no ?
It certainly looks a lot better than it did! 😀😀
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¡Gracias amigo!
Yikes spit up the sixty quid you ain't going to win this round.
PS: Where did those trainer wheels go, little tyke could learn to ride a bike with a set of those !LOLZ
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WE had them! You would not believe how he still managed to fall and make the bike fall with them on. We had to take them off! lol
They were not available to us growing up. Get on, fall off, scrapes and dings, never cry with older brothers around, treated my boys the same way.
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I was waiting for the capitulation and had a good chuckle, almost forgave you for saying 102% of wives crack their phone screens!
My hubby dropped his phone a couple of times and on one occasion the camera lens was cracked by something sticking out on the ground. What are the chances of that happening? Can only happen to a man!
I hope the 60 pounds did the trick!
Aw no, the camera lens is a bad one. I use my phone for photos all the time!
Hehe, we haven't paid yet. The courses are next month, I am hoping we can get some drier weather and have one more try!
Just put training wheels on the bike and wait until the neighbour kids start beating him up. Then he'll try much harder to ride. :)
I do think there might be a peer pressure factor that might come in useful!! 😀
My oldest had no interest in getting his drivers license. He happily took public transit, Uber and got rides from his friends that had cars when needed. He had his learners permit, so he could drive if a licensed driver was in the car.
When he was 20, one of his uncles offered him a car for free. BOOM! He was at the License bureau the next day and converted his learners permit to a license the next day.
He got the car, then went to take the Driver Training so that he could decrease his insurance premium.
All it took was the right motivation.
Lol. That's classic. I was actually like that for a long time until I had kids and thought, half on, I need to drive and got my license tootsweet!
All you need is that motivation!!
That's indeed a robbery. I learn to ride myself. no teacher
That's still the plan, have a month and a half before the course to teach him. Gonna keep trying!!
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Hope that made you feel better downvoting my original content I have a lot of information on you please stop the downvotes
I dont care what information you have on me. All anyone needs to do is google my fucking name and they can get it too.
I downvoted you because you are going around threatening users.
Tell you what though, how about I remove my downvote (cant do anything about the trail) and you stop threatening people?
Ok cool I shouldn't have come for you at all so sorry 🤝🏾
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I'd like to know the success rate of that two-afternoon promise! I envision the instructor to be like a drill sargeant who scares the bejeezus out of the kids. I remember learning on a hill. There was something about mastering how to balance without pedaling that made it so much easier. He'll get it and once he does he'll never forget! : )
I had him out at the weekend trying again. I might have detected a tiny bit more balancing. I have approx one more month and then it's over to the drill sergeant!!
I'm sure he'll get the hang of it. Riding a bike is one of those things that seems impossible until it's the easiest thing there is to do in the world. It's almost as if someone flips a switch and you can just do it. Good luck!
Yo BoomDracula! Glad youre still rockin, i see your blessing on my post, always appreciate. Man, i fell off the bike many times, 1 time a little rock just dented my knee cap, not sure i remember which scar, my legs a little hairy now LOL
Lets keep rippin n rockin tho, im trying to get back into a posting groove.
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