September 1st 2023 I still remember that day like it was yesterday, my whole world was crashing, in as much as I hardly let my emotions get the better of me because i dislike feeling emotions I believe it makes me weak, this time around everything became overwhelming, I was ambushed and for the first and only time and I say only time because after the 3 days of understanding what it means to be depressed I decided never to let anything make me sink into that dark satanic hole of lifelessness the feeling of emptiness that breeds room for suicidal thoughts the first thing action being that of not wanting to eat, I just stayed on my bed not wanting to wake up or move, my mom would come in and talk to me and I would have a normal conversation with her she had no idea she was talking to someone whose heart had stopped beating for excitement and the normal activities that would keep the heart beating. No matter what I keep my emotions to myself, I don't like talking about such things so I keep a passive expression on my face.
Have you heard of the book called; "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F"? That was the introduction to mu Eureka moment, I'm sure you are wondering how did a depressed me end up deciding to read a book, I should have probably picked up the bible but I was aware I had problems which had led to an overwhelming problem of depression and I hated the state I was so I forced myself to find something motivating, I went online and searched for self help books and that particular book was the first to pop up, on seeing the title I knew at that point in my life really needed to not give a F about all my problems because in reality and truthfully my problems didn't care about me as much as I cared about them, so why should I bother to care too. I began reading the book and practically applying it's knowledge and boy oh boy was it the relief I required. You should read that book it will help you see that you shouldn't really care about any problems at all, I know it sounds impossible because there are actually things you should care about it, but don't take it from me until you've began reading the book and then you will understand that the more you don't care about your problems the better off you will be.
What keeps me going?
I don't care about my problems that's what keeps me going. It is said that if you don't pay attention to your urges they will die down without you acting on them, I apply the same psychology to my problems, this gives me clarity to be able to solve them no matter how long they appear to stay circling my mind they can never penetrate into my mind. I really just don't care.
The Result?
My problems are not gone of course, problems are inevitable, we actually need problems to keep us occupied, so I am aware of them but I don't care about them, I pay them little or no attention at all and I've never known what it means to be overwhelmed, although there are intervals where I would take a problem and look at it, think on it and as soon as I realise it's about to grow on me I put that problem in it's place_out of my thought process and let God deal with it. The less I care the more I live.