To the Mother I miss

Although it's a few hours to the end of this contest, I just had to come here to wrap up my thoughts

After the incident of yesterday, I am reminded again why it's never going to be easy to move on without you in my life, I am reminded that even if no one knew or called me when I needed a call, you would have called, I am reminded that even though I wish I could feg a call from you asking me how I was doing and how everything was going, and maybe some comforting words on days I decide to pour out my heart, I am never going to get your calls and I am never going to hear your voice to hear those comfort ing words from you ever again.

Most days, I imagined if there was something different I could have done, maybe it would have saved you and kept you alive for me, but then I am reminded that it would have maybe been a selfish thoughts and action because you were going through a lot of pain and when I always watched you go through those pains, I always prayed that God should take you instead of making you go through the pain year in year out and now you are truly gone, and I am selfish to wish I could rewind the hands of clock.

I went for a marriage yesterday and I am reminded of your absence, of you not existing again, I am reminded that if I one day decide to go through the "marriage journey" like you've always prayed for, you won't be there, you won't be there to welcome me like I saw a mother do to her daughter who was getting married, I see people bear the same name as you and I am reminded that you won't be answering that name again.

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We had our flaws, we didn't have the normal daughter-mother relationship as I saw most had, but we knew to be there for each other, we knew to tease others, we knew to create our own moment even when we didn't intentionally want to, I miss you writing this, I miss you always. It's hard not to think about you, most especially when I am going through a difficult situation, and your gentle genuine comforting words.

Now, I could say I am going through that phase of saying, "You never know how important a person is, until you lose them" because it's hard to bury that part of my life with you in it, it's hard to say that all these years, never made attempts to have your pictures in my phone, although, it's not like I never wanted it, it's how I never thought about it and it was easy because I do not have pictures of myself, i do not take pictures and do not like taking them. My silly little self, used to wish, you were like other mothers but funny I am realizing that you couldn't be like every other mother. You, without words taught me kindness, taught me love, and taught me compassion, and every day I step out, I see you in me, e. Every day, take actions I see you in me and it is laughable.

I saw someone nail one day and I remembered how you said you dislike dirty nails and how unkempt nails are your turn-off especially in a man, and I thought to myself, what would have been your reaction right now? I am not crying, I am just remembering you and relishing in those little moments I had here with you while you were on earth. It's painful, your presence is not here but I know you are here with me.

I miss you, mum, always and forever!!

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This is my entry to HSCP—WK43 NEW PROMPT: THE PERSON I MISS.

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